Words
Open mouth. Insert foot.
Someone recently told me that I always know just what to say in any situation. “You can talk your way out of anything,” he said. “Or into anything. You’re good that way.” This may seem true, but I assure you that it is not. Case in point: Earlier this week, I met a person in…
Read MoreNever trust alliteration
Elysha is looking for a teaching job for the first time in 9 years. Now that the kids are off to school and settled into their routines, it’s time for her to return to the classroom. Recently, she was looking at a school district that expects classroom instruction to be “rigorous, relevant, and respectful.” Excellent…
Read MoreI am nonplussed about the shifting definition of nonplussed.
In the last 24 hours, I’ve read two professionally published pieces of writing – a collection of essays by David Sedaris and a news article – where the word “nonplussed” was used incorrectly. Nonplussed means to be surprised and confused to such a degree that a person is uncertain about how to react. When you…
Read MoreThe answer to “How dare you?”
I hate “How dare you?” I hate it so much. How dare you is a meaningless bit of outrage. Argumentative spittle. A waste of three words. A ridiculous rhetorical question designed to express overdramatized personal outrage. We must stop “How dare you?” in its tracks. Bring it to an end. Remove it from the lexicon.…
Read MoreBottom of the cup
I’ve never wanted to host a tea party. Until now.
Read MoreQuotation marks create a bizarre mystery
Fresh “Fudge” Tasting? “Fudge” placed in quotes? If it’s not actually fudge that we are tasting, then what the hell is it?
Read MoreConstantly frowning and avoiding dogs at every turn
Grammar is important, especially when it comes to the design of memorial plaques. Ignore a few basic rules of grammar and you could end up with this: A woman who both never saw a dog in her entire life and never cracked a smile. Quite the departure from what this foundation was presumably intending. When…
Read More“Once or twice” is the sign of a lie
I overheard someone say on a plane last night say he had visited Africa “once or twice.” I didn’t believe this person. I almost never believe someone who claims to have done something “once or twice.” There’s a big difference between doing something of significance (like visiting Africa) once or more than once. Had the…
Read MoreIt hurts to ask sometimes.
You’ve heard the expression, “It never hurts to ask.” Right? I’m here to report that this expression is nonsense. It hurts to ask. At least some of the time. I despise this expression because some of the people who I find most annoying in this world are the ones who ask. Not for your occasional…
Read MoreI learned about “onset” this week
I learned something new this week: “Onset” is a word that signals the beginning of something, but it specifically signals the beginning of something unpleasant. Unpleasant only. I did not know this. For decades, I’ve been writing sentences like: “At the onset of my drive to New York City, Elysha handed me a picnic basket…
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