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Author Ellen Potter complains that most author bios make her jealous, claiming that they “sound enviable. Tidy, picturesque. No bad smells. It’s just not fair.” In that spirit, she writes the honest author bio: She lives in a house which is perpetually being renovated by boozy, perspiring construction guys, located on a woody road plagued…

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After a few small revisions, Charles’s author bio has been approved by my editor and publicist.  Congratulations, again, Charles.  It should begin appearing on websites like Amazon in about ten days.  The final version reads: MATTHEW DICKS, who is not one for long, crafted sentences, preferring the stylings of Vonnegut over those of Saramago, is…

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In a rare ripple in our otherwise sea of marital bliss, my wife became rather annoyed with me last night. It was the final night of summer vacation, and I was lamenting the fact that I had not accomplished my goal of writing my next book in eight weeks. Hoping to use my vacation to…

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The Golden Rule doesn’t always work. I always prefer that people be direct, honest and forthright with me at all times. Brutally honest if needed. No behind-the-back gossip or back-channel suggestions through a third party. Just let me have it. And a few of my friends actually adhere to this desire quite well, and I…

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Tell me if this makes sense. I’m thinking about cutting down on my sleep.  Here’s my rationale.  I go to sleep sometime between 11:30 and midnight every night.  I wake up sometime between 5:00 and 5:30 every morning.  Sometimes a little earlier.   This routine does not vary regardless of vacation schedules and weekends.  I never…

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My most frequently confused word did not make the list. I don’t know be happy or sad about this. For me, it’s peek and peak. Even with the see and peek pneumonic (both have a double-e and both relate to vision), I still have to pause and consider the distinction whenever I use either word.…

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A couple years ago, my friend’s daughter, Katie, played on a softball team that was sponsored by Bailey Funeral Home. I think this is fabulous. Kids running the bases while advertising a funeral home on their backs. Do the proprietors of the funeral home think that this type of advertising is effective? “Hey, I heard…

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I write a daily blog to my daughter entitled GreetingsLittleOne.com. I’ve written every day since we learned that my wife was pregnant and have not missed a day. Sometimes the post is merely a collection of photographs and videos from the day. Other times it’s an account of the day’s proceedings. Occasionally I dispense fatherly…

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I was on an escalator in the MOMA, and I heard a mother ask her son, “What was your favorite exhibit?” The boy hemmed and hawed and ultimately failed to answer the question. I wanted to explain to the mother that a better question would have been, “What exhibit did you hate the most?” This…

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What is the point of the goddamn Caps Lock button? And why must it be as almost as large as the Shift key. And why did the morons who designed this keyboard put the damn button beside the letter A, making it a button that I am constantly striking by mistake. Who the hell uses…

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