Archive for May 2024

Charlie’s birthday was yesterday. He turned twelve years old. The poor boy is suffering from a wicked ear infection, so he stayed home from school and spent the day visiting the doctor, wincing in pain, and hanging out on the couch with Elysha. When it came time for our traditional birthday dinner at the great…

Kenesaw Mountain Landis was a former federal judge with a reputation for fighting big business. In 1920, he became Major League Baseball’s first commissioner. His arrival came at a critical time, as the Black Sox scandal had shaken fan confidence and threatened the integrity and very existence of the game. Landis took a hard line…

I’ve been riding an indoor bike for more than three years, fairly relentlessly. I rarely miss a day. When the pandemic hit, I stopped going to the gym and never returned. I turned to cycling, dragging my bike from the garage and hitting the road, and I never looked back. I rode every day during…

I’ve posted “Never Have I Ever” lists in 2014, 2018, and 2022. Every four years. I’m two years early on posting this next update, but I do so now because it’s worth mentioning: I’ve never used a Q-tip. The reason is simple: I follow the explicit directions on the product – Warning: Do not insert…

Favorability ratings of government agencies, as reported by Bedrock Data Solutions: 81% – National Park Service 77% – US Postal Service 74% – NASA 61% – Social Security Administration 56% – CDC 56% – Veteran Affairs 55% – EPA 55% – Health and Human Services These numbers are all much higher than the favorability of…

The best pranks combine something a person loves with something they hate. For me, I love Diet Coke. I hate cotton. There’s actually a name for my distaste of cotton: Sidonglobophobia. It’s described as “having a dislike for how cotton balls feel or sound,” which is exactly how I feel. It sounds bizarre, but I…

In answer to a reader’s question: “How does a man end up trapped in a shower stall in a women’s locker room for nearly four hours?” Here is the answer: It’s the fall of 1990. I’m visiting my girlfriend at Quinnipiac University. She’s living in a woman’s dorm. As we’re getting ready for bed, I…

My flight from Boston to Los Angeles took just over six hours. Diagonally across from me, a young person spent the entire time – all six hours – playing this game on an iPad. He continued to play the game as he exited the plane and ascended the jetway. He was still playing the game…

It’s the fall of 1984. I’m thirteen years old. It’s a Wednesday night, and I’m watching “Charles in Charge,” a sitcom starring Scott Baio –  the actor I’d previously seen on “Happy Days.” It’s okay. Not great, but not bad, either. Then boom! A flash of light! A roar of sound. A time traveler from…

February 15, 2010. Earlier morning. I’m sitting at my desk in my classroom with my principal, Plato. It’s our shared birthday. We’re talking about celebrating together later that night with our traditional birthday dinner when my students begin to arrive. A student named Fely walks over to my desk, says, “Happy birthday,” and tosses a…