Skip to content

My career as a professional best man is hindered only by a lack of teleportation

I had a third person inquire about hiring me as a professional best man this week. Unlike the first two, this potential client lives within the United States but on the west coast, making it impossible to serve the duties of the office faithfully. When I first proposed the idea of a professional best man…

Read More

I suspect that working women are more mentally tough than Barbara Walters believes

Barbara Walters had this to say about the recent TIME magazine cover:  “This is such a guilt trip for working women.” Is it naïve of me to suggest that Barbara recall the words of the great Eleanor Roosevelt: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

Read More

Exposing the lunatic Little League coaches for who they really are.

Here’s an idea I’m considering: Write a blog that examines the youth baseball culture in my town and/or  neighboring towns, with specific emphasis on assessing and critiquing the coaching style and the overall effectiveness and efficacy of the adults involved. It’s recently come to my attention that although most of the coaches and parent volunteers…

Read More

Fostering disobedience

My three-year old daughter, Clara, and her younger friend, Ella were playing upstairs while the adults were chatting downstairs. I was sitting at the top of the staircase, listening to ensure that neither of the kids jumped out a window or set their underwear on fire. My daughter asked Ella to take off her shoes…

Read More

Not exactly a solution to my existential crisis, but it’s a start.

I’m not sure where this bit of dialogue originates. I saw it posted on Twitter and immediately fell in love with it. It encapsulates an enormous part of my life philosophy perfectly: “Life is too short,” she complained, “I want more.” He grinned, “Wake up earlier.

Read More

Plants have a sense of smell. A SENSE OF SMELL, PEOPLE! This brings them one step closer to chickens and cows and pigs.

I have always secretly hoped that someday we would discover that plants are just as sentient as animals, and as a result, all the ethical vegans of the world would be forced to come to terms with the fact that when it comes to food, they are no less murderous than cow and chicken eating…

Read More

Will she be asking to meet for coffee next?

As I kissed my daughter goodnight and exited the bedroom, my wife offered to sing her customary song before following me downstairs. “No, Mommy,” Clara said. “No song. Let’s talk.” “You want to talk?” Elysha asked, unsure if she had heard correctly. “Talk to me for a while, Mommy,” my three year old requested. Did…

Read More

There must be something wrong with people who tan on a regular basis. Right?

Is it wrong for me to assume that anyone who is still using a tanning bed on a regular basis, after all the evidence linking tanning to skin cancer, is clearly plagued by issues related to poor self esteem, feelings of worthlessness, and a lack of self concept? Or perhaps mentally ill? Is there any…

Read More

Hate reading and hate watching: What a stupid, disingenuous waste of time

In case you aren’t familiar with the terms, hate reading is the idea that a reader can despise a book and everything it stands for but still find pleasure in reading it all the way through. Please note that this is very different from reading a book that you expected to love but did not.…

Read More

Go to bed (in a whisper)

Two days ago my daughter took a rather hard lined (and hilarious) approach to the animals in her book while putting them to bed. Just one day later, her position had eased considerably.

Read More