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The Colbert Questionert

Fans of Stephen Colbert may be aware of the Colbert Questionert: “15 questions to cover the full spectrum of human experience” After listening to Jon Stewart answer some of them last night, I decided to answer the questions for myself. Feel free to do the same. All but two answers came to me almost immediately,…

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Bad open mic nights already exist, people.

It’s weird how Board of Education meetings have turned into bad open mic nights. Right? Just a month into the new school year, I’ve seen a video of woman in Florida claiming that the Moderna vaccine has magnetized her. I watched someone in Ohio argue that masks are causing children to suffer, and in some…

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The movie is just the beginning…

We watched the movie Holes last week. Good movie. Much better book. I highly recommend it. Charlie and Clara both loved the film. The next morning, Charlie hopped onto his laptop and began researching yellow spotted lizards, rock formations named “God’s Thumb,” and the medicinal qualities of onions. All critical elements of the movie. Then…

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Why my marching band was bizarre and amazing

A piece in Alpha Mom extolls the virtues of a marching band. I couldn’t agree more. Just so we’re clear: Competitive marching bands perform elaborate routines on football fields, typically during the halftime of football games, but also against other marching bands in competitive settings. You may see a competitive marching band performing in a…

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Ghosting sucks

Ghosting — the silent, unexplained method to ending relationships — can have negative consequences that result in internalized emotional conflict on both the person being ghosted and the ghoster, a Wesleyan study recently found. In the short-term, ghosting may lead to internalized feelings of self-criticism and self-doubt, researcher Dr. Royette Dubar explained. Over time, these…

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McRib is back

Masks are important, and I’m a big believer in original, clever, or an amusing signage, but joking about the McRib being back when it’s not actually back is not funny. Don’t play with my emotions like that.

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Teachers who don’t do don’t know.

The problem with this English teacher is they presumed to know something they do not. I don’t know a single author who would’ve responded differently to this student’s request. Also, the teacher assigned a book report? Those dreadful things still exist? I once wrote an essay in high school entitled, “Thanks for ruining this great…

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You don’t get to have nice things.

Last week Howard Stern blasted unvaccinated Americans on his radio show, equating a vaccine mandate as “freedom to live.” “We have no time for idiots in this country anymore, we don’t want you,” Howard Stern said on Monday’s broadcast. “Stay home, die there with your COVID. Don’t take the cure, but don’t clog up our…

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“Whistleblower” is probably unrealisitic

Two whistleblowers recently scored $114 million from the Securities and Exchange Commission, bringing the total amount paid out by the SEC whistleblower program over the past decade to over $1 billion. Since the program was created in the Dodd-Frank Act in 2010, 207 whistleblowers have received between 10 to 30 percent of the fines levied…

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Ferris Bueller holds up. Except for the phones.

Here’s something no one tells you when you become a parent: The day will come when you can show your children classic movies like Ferris Bueller’s Day Off for the first time, and you’ll spend at least half the time watching your children watch the movie and find that just as much enjoyment in that…

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