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PERSONAL HEALTH 1. Don’t die. Feeling younger every day. Sincerely.   2. Lose 20 pounds. Down 12 pounds as of this morning. I might actually accomplish this after all.    3. Do at least 100 push-ups and 100 sit-ups five days a week. Done.  4. Stop drinking soda from two-liter bottles. I didn’t drink soda from a…

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Texts from my wife abut my three year-old son, Charlie: Driving thru Starbucks. Clara wants a water. I ask Charlie if he wants one, too. He says, “How about no? How about a Dunkin Donut?”  Charlie woke up early because he pooped. When I went in his room he said, “I pooped. Will you change…

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When you have to affix a sheet of computer paper below your artsy sign in order to translate a three letter word that could only be one of two words, you have failed. The parenthesis are weird, too.

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It occurred to me during a visit with my sister that my brother, my sister, and I have all been hit by cars in our lifetimes. “That seems a little weird,” I said to my wife. “Right?” “YES,” she replied, emphatically. ____________________________My younger brother, Jeremy, was hit by a car while riding his bike when he…

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My daughter can read. She’s six years-old and started first grade yesterday, and that girl can legitimately read books. Hard books. Real books. She can read books that I can’t believe she can read. My girl is a reader. And she loves to read.  And her brother is only three years-old and can’t read yet,…

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So much about my trip to Brazil this summer was outstanding. The people who I met and the places I visited will remain with me forever.  Here was the hardest part: These are all photos that Elysha sent to me while I was gone. Constant reminders of the people I love most, half a world…

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I took my three year-old son into a porta-potty. He had to go, and we were desperate. “Don’t touch anything,” I warned him as I lifted him onto the seat. He smiled. “Can I touch my penis?”   If I didn’t know better, I would swear he was being a wise ass. 

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A reader once accused me of being materialistic after I wrote about my lack of a favorite number, specifically criticizing me for saying that when it comes to my salary, my favorite number is the largest number possible. After refuting the charges of materialism, I acknowledged that I had plenty of other shortcomings and offered…

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