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What do you want inscribed on your gravestone?

The Moth recently asked what you would like inscribed on your gravestone when you die in conjunction with a Main Stage show in Brooklyn’s Greenwood Cemetery. Since I have no intention of ever dying, this was more of a thought experiment than a real world exercise, but still, it was interesting to imagine what words…

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John Lennon’s “Imagine” is not a good song. I think you’ll agree.

I don’t like the song “Imagine.” I know. For many of you, this is blasphemy. For years, I loved the song. Sang it whenever it came on. Then I was driving in the car last week when “Imagine” came on Pandora. As I sang along, I thought about the lyrics in a way I never…

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The solution to all of my ponytail, pigtail, and braiding woes

Other than simple brushing, I can do nothing with my daughter’s hair. I can’t braid it. I can’t pin it back with a barrette. I can’t wrap it in a ponytail. These pigtails might at well be the Mona Lisa to me. Impossible to comprehend. Impossible to reproduce. For at least a year, I couldn’t…

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Friendly’s slogans leave a lot to be desired

A list of slogans from Friendly’s restaurants from over the years: “You’re in for a nice surprise” (1979–1982) “There’s no place like home” (1985–1989) “Oh, that looks good!” (2010–2013) “High 5, it’s Friendly’s!” (2011-2012) “Oh yeah!” (2012-2013) “Where ice cream makes the meal” (current) Damn. That is not a good list. “You’re in for a…

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You’ll be shocked to discover who favors old fashioned ink and paper over digital composition

I’ve been teaching writing to students ages 12-16 for the past three weeks. Seven students in all. Every one of them is an excellent writer. A couple are legitimately gifted. Two surprises: Five of my students write with a paper and pen and couldn’t imagine writing on a computer or tablet, at least for their…

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She can’t fly, which would be cool, but my daughter’s super power is still impressive.

My daughter made her own mask from paper, tape, marker, and string. I’m not sure what she was going for, but I think she looks legitimately creepy when wearing it. I asked her if she is a superhero when wearing the mask. Her response: “Daddy, you know me. I’m just Clara. But that’s pretty great,…

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Sister loves brother

I am certain that I was never as sweet to my siblings. Not even close. I’m not sure if I was even nice to my siblings. Thank goodness Elysha’s genes are in the mix.    

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I don’t love bathing my kids. Except I often do.

I am not a huge fan of bathing the kids. I don’t mind shampooing their hair, and I don’t mind scrubbing their feet, but once the actual work is done and the playing commences, I become much less interested in the bath. Perhaps it’s because of the way my dictatorial daughter demands that I play…

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My annual list of my shortcomings and flaws is being written now. Suggestions welcomed.

In preparation for the fourth annual listing and publishing of my shortcomings and flaws, I invite you to write to me about any shortcomings or flaws that you think I should consider including on the list. If you’re wondering why a person would create such a list and post it online, you can read about…

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