Cake in face

A Dear Prudence advice seeker wrote:

“I got married just before Christmas and am hoping to be divorced or annulled by the end of January. Obviously, that wasn’t the plan originally…”

The woman explained that when it came to her wedding, the only hard-and-fast rule was that her future husband not rub cake in her face at the reception.

“Instead, he grabbed me by the back of the head and shoved my head down into it. It was planned since the cake was DESTROYED, and he had a bunch of cupcakes as backup.”

Now she wants an annulment, and Prudence supports the decision.

As a wedding DJ, I have seen many wedding cake misadventures. Over the years, I also prevented many misadventures by whispering warnings to wild-eyed husbands about the hazards of making a mess with the cake.

I’ve also witnessed many, many couples have fun with the cake, playfully smearing frosting on noses and chins and cheeks.

The worst moment I’ve ever witnessed at a wedding took place early in my DJ career. After the bride smushed a bit of frosting on her newly minted husband’s nose, he reached into the cake up to his wrist, extracted an enormous clump of cake and frosting, then smeared it all over his bride’s face.

She actually laughed throughout the entire cake cut, but when she made it to the restroom to clean up and saw the state of her face and hair and part of her dress, she burst into tears and left the wedding, sequestering herself in her car in the parking lot and refusing to come out.

Since we had yet to open the dance floor, the wedding ground to a halt as Bengi and I played slow songs in hopes of biding our time until the bride returned. At one point, a handful of younger guests requested Metallica’s “Enter Sandman,” a song we had never and would never again play at a wedding.

But desperate to make something happen, we played it that night, followed by a Sinatra ballad.

Eventually I went to the car to speak to the bride and assure her that her guests were having a great time and completely unaware of her situation. I reminded her that she laughed throughout the cake cut, so although she was now rightfully upset, everyone assumed that the cake cut had gone swimmingly, so returning to the wedding would be no big deal.

Nothing about this statement was true, of course. As a wedding DJ, I’ve often said things like, “This happens all the time” and “You’re only running a tiny bit late” and “I’m sure your mother just misspoke.”

Anything to improve the spirit of a bride or groom.

Eventually, the bride exited her car and returned to dance with her father. The groom then danced with his mother, then the bride and groom came together on the dance floor alongside their bridal party to officially open the floor to dancing.

I’m not sure what took place after the wedding, but for the duration of the party, the couple seemed perfectly happy together.

Nearly two decades later, I like to think that they are still together. Sadly, our database shows that we’ve done eight weddings at that venue over the years, and I can’t quite recall which couple is was, so attempting to ascertain their marital status is impossible.

But of all the couples I’ve ever met while working as a DJ or minister, that was the couple I thought least likely to stay together.

Still, I’m not so sure about Prudences’ advice. Her husband was admittedly stupid, inconsiderate, and disrespectful, but she just married the guy.

Did her husband really mean to do harm? Were his intentions malicious, or could it be one of those unfortunate moments when he didn’t realize how serious her request really was?

It happens.

It’s terrible to experience your first marital bump in the road on your wedding day, but did she expect smooth sailing throughout the marriage?

Then again, Elysha probably has it right. When I asked if she thought the bride was being reasonable, Elysha said, “There’s other stuff going on there. It’s not just the cake.”

Probably true.

Still, I feel for the couple. One of the most joyous moments of your life was ruined by one stupid decision.

Forgiveness is hard, but if the bride’s decision to annul or divorce is really about the cake and nothing more, I think it might also be warranted.