Archive for August 2014
When it comes of purposeful procrastination, Mark Twain agreed with me. I can’t be nearly as stupid as people think.
“Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.” – Mark Twain I have a policy wherein I never complete mundane or unnecessary assignments until the moment before they are due, because if this is the last day of my life, I would hate to have spent it completing…
Read MoreAmber has every right to hate Sophia. I should know.
My daughter loves Sophia the First. For those of you without small children, this is one of the latest Disney princesses with a television show and a seemingly endless line of merchandise. Other than the fact that her head is three times the size of her waist and her eyes are scary big, she seems…
Read MoreProductivity tip #9: If your friends think your boyfriend is a jerk, he’s a jerk.
I know this isn’t the most traditional of productivity tips, but if this applies to you, the following advice may save you more time than any other productivity tip I could ever offer. If you are dating someone who the great majority of your friends does not like, stop dating this person immediately. In the…
Read MoreI suffered a wardrobe malfunction. I told the audience that they suck. Just another day in the life of an author.
I had the pleasure of speaking at the Cragin Memorial Library last night as part of the Connecticut Author’s Trail. A group of about 48 women and two men gathered to hear me speak, which I continue to find both humbling and astounding. Rather than read from my novel, I tell stories about the writing…
Read MoreI hereby release myself of all parental guilt regarding the iPad. It was shortsighted, stupid, and purposelessly nostalgic.
I brought my son downstairs for breakfast. As we stepped into the kitchen, he saw the iPad on the counter and said, “iPad! Chair! iPad! Chair!” This is the two year-old version way of saying, “Father, I would very much like to take a seat in my favorite chair and make use of that glorious…
Read MoreMy daughter thinks she’s found the next Jackson Pollock. Or maybe she just loves her brother.
Our two year-old son drew on the wall with a crayon. I was annoyed, of course, and told him so. As expected, he laughed and drew on the wall some more. Our five year old daughter immediately came to her brother’s defense. “Maybe he’s trying to make a Jackson Pollock.” An hour later, she appeared…
Read MoreFive ways I’ll know that I’ve finally made it as a screenwriter.
I write a movie wherein the male lead is wearing glasses and researching something and his female romantic interest reminds him about the importance of eating. I write a movie wherein the male lead has been treated for serious injuries and attempts to get out of bed in order to save the day, only to…
Read MoreI wrote about a dream I had last night. Three dreams, actually. But hearing about dreams usually sucks, so feel free to ignore.
I had a dream last night that I needed to be at a wedding in four hours but was more than four hours away. I started driving like a maniac, but I knew I’d never make it. Traffic. Rain. A billion stops signs. The world was conspiring against me. Somehow I suddenly realized that I…
Read MoreMarried to Carrie-Anne Moss
One of my DJ clients said that Elysha looks like Trinity from The Matrix. Carrie-Anne Moss. What’s better? Being told that you look like Trinity or being told that you’re married to a woman who looks like Trinity? I think maybe the latter.
Read MoreGrandparents kicking millennials’ asses
I have recently learned that identifying oneself as a “grandma” is a growing phenomenon among twentysomethings who refuse to leave their apartments over the weekend and are adopting a binge-watching, sedentary lifestyle. Apparently many millennials take are taking pride in calling themselves old people trapped in young people’s bodies. A far cry from The Greatest…
Read More