I love my hairdresser. She good, quick (always a priority for me) and genuinely a great person. I actually enjoy spending time with her, which is unusual for me and hairdressers. But every time I go to the salon, she has me sit down for twenty awkward seconds in order for her to ask, “So what are your goals today?”
I’ve heard the other hairdressers in the shop ask the same question, so I know it’s part of the culture of the salon, but it just seems so silly to me. I don’t have a lot of hair, so it’s not as if she’s going to be curling, coloring, layering or doing anything else with it. Just cut it like you always do. This is my standard answer, and then we’re off to the shampoo room for the most relaxing five minutes of my month.
But when I hear her ask, “What are you goals?” the answers that typically fill my mind include:
To get the hell out of here as quickly as possible
To survive another day without being attacked, beaten, robbed or publicly castigated
To write a bestseller
To eat as many cheeseburgers as possible without gaining weight
To shoot under 100 in my next fifty rounds of golf
To bring down the searing flames of vengeance upon all my enemies
To make my wife happy
To complete preparations for the apocalypse
To spend more time with my children
To instill a love for The Clash and Joe Strummer in my daughter
To convince my in-laws to move to Connecticut
To retire before the age of 50
I have a haircut scheduled for next week, and I think I’ll try out a few of these on her. Just to see what happens.
Who knows? Perhaps she’s a genie of some sort, just waiting for someone to come along and ask for something other than a haircut.
Not a bad idea for a short story