Autobiography
Can starting your day with a smile really change your mood and improve your heath?
I read that smiling when you wake up can be very beneficial. Supposed health benefits include: When you smile your body releases the feel-good neurotransmitters dopamine and endorphins. This means that by smiling first thing when you wake up you’ll be starting your day in a better mood. In addition, when you smile your mood…
Read MoreQuarry thoughts
I found these declarations of love carved into rock at a quarry in Dorsett, Vermont. Being a person in a constant state of existential crisis, I couldn’t help but wonder with some degree of desperation, “Does JM still love DB?” I know that love can be tragically fleeting, and I also know that based upon…
Read MoreI could run a turn on 10:1, and it was unbelievable
Back in the day, I could run a turn on 10:1 by myself. 10:1 is the meat used in a McDonald’s hamburger and cheeseburger, so named because there are ten beef patties to a pound. To cook a McDonald’s cheeseburger back in the day, you laid up to 12 patties on the grill and seared…
Read MoreThat’s a long way for pizza
After visiting Gillette Castle in East Haddam, CT, the family piled into the car to head over to the neighboring town of Chester, CT for dinner at Otto’s Pizza. It’s such a glorious thing in today’s world: Receive a recommendation from a friend for a restaurant one town away and simply enter the name of…
Read MoreDon’t eat children
I told Charlie to hurry up and get into the car “…before the Daddy monster eats you!” “You eat children?” Charlie asked. “Yes, I do,” I said in my most gravely voice. “If that’s true,” he said, “then you eat poop and butts and feet.” There’s really nothing more impressive than a witty, rhetorical comeback.
Read MoreThis text message did not go the way I had expected.
Shortcomings and Flaws: 2019
Years ago a reader accused me of being materialistic after I wrote about my lack of a favorite number, specifically criticizing me for saying that when it comes to my salary, my favorite number is the largest number possible. After properly refuting the charges of materialism, I acknowledged that I had plenty of other shortcomings and…
Read MoreI’m worried that Frost’s poems will someday die
I dreamt last night that the Earth’s orbit was temporarily shifting towards the sun, which would briefly raise temperatures high enough to kill nearly every living thing on the planet. Great dream, Huh? Actually, in my dream, Paul McCartney had built some kind of refrigerated house, so he thought he might survive, but experts doubted…
Read MoreSeeking submissions for my annual list of shortcomings and flaws
Years ago a reader accused me of being materialistic after I wrote about my lack of a favorite number, specifically criticizing me for saying that when it comes to my salary, my favorite number is the largest number possible. After refuting the charges of materialism, I acknowledged that I had plenty of other shortcomings and offered…
Read MoreI’m not stopping.
I’ve always thought that “No right turn on red” signs were stupid and therefore entirely optional. I’m sure there is some reason why particular intersections have been deemed too dangerous to allow right turns on red, but I’m also sure that this is nonsense. Not unlike the addition of a four-way stop signs at an…
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