The micromort: Science gone awry
Some terrible, stupid scientist has quantified your chances of dying at any given moment and given it a name:
Micromort
A micromort is equal to a one-in-a-million chance of death.
Just being alive is equal to about 24 micromorts per day.
Even at a one-in-a-million chance of death, 24 seems like a lot.
Other micromort calculations:
- Skydiving: 8 micromorts per jump
- Running a marathon: 26 micromorts (I knew that long distance running was foolish)
- Walking 17 miles or driving 230 miles: 1 micromort
- Infected with the coronavirus: 10,000 micromorts per day
In light of the pandemic, equally terrible scientists have also developed the microCOVID, which is equal to a one-in-one-million chance of contracting COVID-19 based upon specific activities:
- Going out to buy groceries: 20 microCOVIDs
- Hosting a small party, indoors, with no masks: 3,000 microCOVIDs
- A 30 minute commute on the train is 100-200 microCOVIDs
There’s actually a microCOVID calculator that you can use to determine your chances of contracting COVID-19 depending upon your activity. if you want to perseverate on death any more than you already are.
Since I think about death about 387 times per hour (prior to the pandemic, it was only 385 times per hour), I’m good.
I didn’t need to know about the existence of the micromort.
I think that quantifying my chances of death – and my death in particular – in distinct, measurable units is unnecessary and mean. Meany scientists who could be studying the mating patterns of the round-tailed ground squirrel but instead waste their precious time scaring the hell out of me.
