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I think this will make you laugh, but it may also frighten you a bit:

The Danish equivalent of the BBC has a new, animated series aimed at children ages 4-8 about John Dillermand, the man with the world’s longest penis who overcomes hardships and challenges with his record-breaking genitals.

With the aid of his excessive phallus, John Dillermand performs rescue operations, etch murals, hoist a flag, and even steal ice cream from children.

I’m not kidding.

This isn’t an accidental reading of an Onion story. It’s real. It’s a show on Danish network television. A large number of professional adult agreed that this show should exist, and it should be aired on the public airwaves and advertised to small children.

Here is the show’s opening credits:

I think it’s funny.


Unless you’re Danish, I guess, and have small children. Then you shudder to think what Danish children are reenacting on the playground after watching this show.

Also, how does this show make little girls feel? Are they  grateful or wistful about being penis-less?

Then again, can a show about a man who can’t control his penis ever be funny?

Haven’t we been watching that show for the past four years?

I think my position is:

“I think it’s funny that John Dillermand exists, and I think it looks funny in terms of its absolute absurdity, but was there really no better show to pitch the network?” No better show to produce? Isn’t this better suited to follow a show like The Simpsons rather than Sesame Street?”

Then again, I’ve only watched the opening credits. Maybe it’s a deeply thoughtful program that will bring wisdom, insight, and joy to Danish children everywhere.

Never judge a book, or a penis, I guess, by its cover.