Neckties No More
Good news:
The pandemic appears to have accelerated the death of the necktie.
People have been predicting its end for a century, but recent data indicates that it might finally be happening.
Necktie sales peaked in 1995 at $1.3 billion, but by 2009 had fallen to $418 million ($300 million in 1995 dollars).
The pandemic has sunk those numbers even further.
The decline of the suit — another ridiculous relic that needs to go — has also impacted the market for neckties. The purchase of suits was down 8% from 2015 to 2019, and the pandemic has certainly impacted suit sales precipitously as well.
As for me, I have only worn a necktie three times in the last decade. Each time I was officiating a wedding ceremony for a friend and was asked to wear one. But I’ve attended weddings and funerals during that same time and didn’t wear a necktie.
No one cared.
More importantly, if someone cared, I didn’t care.
I have no desire to strap a ridiculous floral noose around my neck. Not only is this bit of ornamentation pointless and uncomfortable, but there is evidence that even a loosely worn necktie restricts blood flow to the brain. A study published in the journal Neuroradiology used magnetic resonance imaging to demonstrate what happened to cerebral blood flow when men wore neckties.
The results:
A reduction of blood flow to the brain of 5.7% to 7.5%. Also possibly an increase in ocular pressure, which increases the risk of glaucoma.
Neckties are also responsible for more deaths per year than sharks, which shouldn’t be surprising. A necktie can function just as effectively as a noose given its ability to tighten around the wearer’s neck to the point of constriction, so if you get one stuck in any kind of machinery, you’re in a lot of trouble.
Worse than all of this, at least for me, is what neckties represent:
Conformity, subservience, and blind adherence to needless, elitist, foolish cultural norms.
If you want to wear a necktie because you like wearing a necktie, go right ahead. You should absolutely wear what you want within reason. I think neckties look stupid, but who cares what I think? I’ve also made it a policy to never speak about physical appearance, so fear not. You’ll never hear me criticize your necktie, even if you’ve chosen one that expresses support for the New York Jets or Boston Red Sox.
It will be hard for me to not say something, but I promise I won’t.
But in most cases, neckties are not worn because they are beloved. They are worn most often because a person is expected to wear one. Their particular workplace demands it, or certain social or religious settings expects one to be worn, which strikes me as the dumbest reason to strap one of these things around your neck.
Requiring someone to wrap their neck in silk or a polyester blend in order to do their job well or properly celebrate a friend’s nuptials, worship their God appropriately, or demonstrate reverence at a solemn occasion is illogical and silly.
I avoid it whenever possible. No one ever cares.
Years ago, I was attending the wedding of a friend. I was the only man in attendance not wearing a necktie.
Happily, Elysha almost never has issue with what I wear, including on this particular occasion. Also, I never have issue with what Elysha wears. We are oddly respectful of each other’s personal preferences in what way.
At one point in the evening, a man approached and asked, “How did you get away with not wearing a tie?”
“I didn’t put one on,” I said. “And even though some people like you may notice my lack of a necktie, no one really cares and absolutely no one will remember my lack of a tie a week from now. And some people – like you – will admire my lack of a necktie.”
The man immediately removed his necktie. Then he wondered aloud what his wife might say.
While I was able to help this man alter his outfit to something more pleasing and comfortable, I was unable to assist him in marrying someone who respects his personal clothing decisions and would not criticize his lack of a necktie.
Some things are simply beyond my control.
