Resolution update: May 2011
1. Lose 23 pounds, bringing me down to my high school track and field weight. Down eleven pounds since the beginning of the year. Twelve to go. 2. Do at…
Disappointed that billions haven’t died?
More fallout from the failed Rapture: Expert Rapture predictor Harold Camping's public relations manager moved his family from California to Ohio a month before the supposed Rapture in order to…
Super Grover playing Saint Peter?
I found these little people on the window sill yesterday, set up in a position that I assume can only be a reenactment of the Saint Peter story. Naturally, my…
Serious daddy fail
I couldn’t quite remember my daughter’s birthday today. I thought I knew it, and I knew I was within ten days or so of the correct date, but I couldn’t…
Dishonoring the dead with stupidity
From Fox News: Is Obama Chewing Gum at Joplin Memorial Service? Earlier today President Obama spoke at a memorial service in Joplin, MO honoring those who lost their lives to…
Your sense of smell or your cell phone?
From a recent McCann survey of more than 7,000 people ages 16-30 across a variety of countries: Given a list of things (including cosmetics, their car, their passport, their phone…
Angry, hilarious outbursts
When my daughter gets angry, she begins moving and narrating her motion as it is taking place. For example: Mommy: Clara, It’s time for bed! Clara: No! I running! I…
Chasing fire engines
When I was in my early twenties, I worked two full time jobs while awaiting trial for a crime I did not commit. I would arrive at South Shore Bank…
Is downhill downhill or downhill?
Scenario #1: Something has gone wrong early in the day. It is not good. The rest of the day promises to only get worse. I say, “Damn. Everything is going…
How to be pretty
Today’s message to my daughter:_____________________________________ An important thing to remember, little one: Attractiveness is more closely related to IQ than actual physical appearance. Nothing is uglier than a stupid person.
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