My friend, Jeni, planned to introduce me to a friend a couple of weeks ago. Unfortunately, she didn’t have the chance. I was speaking to other people at the time, so saying hello would’ve apparently taken too much effort on Jeni’s part.
“But I prepared her to meet you,” Jeni said.
“Prepared?”
Jeni explained that yes, she always prepares people before introducing them to me. And it’s not what you’re thinking. She doesn’t say things like, “He’s a bestselling novelist, award-winning teacher, champion storyteller, noted humanitarian, and the greatest husband and father on the planet.”
Instead, she lets them know that my favorite thing is to embarrass her in front of strangers.
She also added that I’m the only person in the world for whom this is required.
“That’s stupid,” I said.
Jeni explained that not only does she prepare people to meet me, but our mutual friend, Amy, does the same. In fact, Amy was planning to bring a friend to dinner at our home months ago. On the phone, Jeni said, “You’re going to explain Matt to him before they meet. Right?”
“Of course,” Amy said.
That dinner never happened thanks to COVID, but still, the preparation took place.
What the hell?
What Jeni fails to understand is the correlation between my willingness to say embarrassing things about her and the deep and abiding friendship that I feel for her.
My friends and I tease each other all the time. Though we are incredibly supportive of one another and often extend ourselves in exceptional ways when needed, we can also be relentless in our desire to tease, embarrass, and prank one another whenever possible.
Admittedly, this dynamic is oftentimes found only in my male friendships, but Jeni is admittedly included in this dynamic, as is Amy. I think it’s because we’re all storytellers, teachers, and writers. We swim in the same pond, care deeply about the same things, and often think about things in the same way.
Jeni and I can watch a storyteller perform onstage and know exactly what each other is thinking without ever saying a word. She understands my ridiculousness, and I understand hers.
I’ve asked Jeni to listen to an episode of the podcast SmartLess, hosted by Jason Bateman, Will Arnett, and Sean Hayes. Those three men love each other, yet they tease one another constantly. The whole show is predicated on the relationship that these three men share, and it’s almost always peppered with insults, embarrassments, and scolding.
I’m not sure if that will make her feel better about my attempts to embarrass her, but at least she’ll understand it better.
Also, Jeni can be equally withering in her attempts to embarrass me. Admittedly, it’s more difficult because I don’t typically care and often relish the role of the foil and the fool, but she tries nonetheless. But when you’re thrilled about telling stories about your most embarrassing, shameful, and stupid moments on stage for hundreds of strangers at a time, it’s a lot harder to find content that can be used against me.
I learned a long time ago that the best way to combat a person’s attempts to make fun of you is to simply make fun of yourself first. Make people laugh with you instead of at you.
With a last name like Dicks, it was a lesson learned early on.
Too bad for Jeni.
But she tries. She’s no angel. She’s not simply a pin cushion, absorbing my barbs without throwing a few herself. Jeni and I once spent a week together at the Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health, teaching storytelling to about a dozen adults.
Actually, Jeni was assisting me. Poorly.
But about halfway through the week, one of our students approached Jeni and asked if she and I were okay. The student expressed concern that Jeni and I appeared to be fighting all the time and didn’t seem to like each other.
We (probably Jeni, because she always handles this nonsense) had to explain to her that we’re actually good friends. Our friendship may be odd and dysfunctional at times, but there was nothing wrong between us.
Except I don’t think it’s odd or dysfunctional at all. I think it’s a demonstration of our friendship and trust.
I would run through a wall for Jeni if needed. Admittedly, I might also try to embarrass the hell out of her as I did.
