Every Christmas, I take inventory of the holiday gifts that my wife, Elysha, gives me.
Some people wish for cashmere sweaters, the latest gadget, stylish watches, and jewelry. My hope is often for the least pretentious, most unexpected, most nostalgic, quirkiest little gift possible, and Elysha never fails to deliver.
When it comes to gift giving, Elysha is brilliant. More than the gifts themselves, her choices tell me that she knows me.
She sees me more clearly than any other person in my life.
For the past eleven years, I’ve been documenting that inventory of gifts that she has given me on Christmas because they are so damn good. Every year has been just as good as the last, if not better.
- The 2009 Christmas haul included a signed edition of a Kurt Vonnegut novel.
- The 2010 Christmas haul included a key that I still use today.
- The 2011 Christmas haul included my often-used Mr. T in a Pocket.
- The 2012 Christmas haul included my fabulous No button.
- The 2013 Christmas haul included a remote controlled helicopter.
- The 2014 Christmas haul included an “I Told You So” pad.
- The 2015 Christmas haul included schadenfreude mints: “As delicious as other people’s misery.”
- The 2016 haul featured a commissioned painting of the map of my childhood Boy Scout camp.
- The 2017 haul featured a commissioned painting of my grandparent’s farmhouse.
- The 2018 haul featured a Viewmaster Viewer with photos of the family.
- My 2019 haul featured a fantastic cord organizer (it says a lot about me that I loved it so much)
This year was pretty fantastic.
Back in November, Elysha couldn’t stand to wait until Christmas and gave me an early Christmas gift:
An artist’s rendering of all seven of my books, plus the books from which we derived our children’s names, the first gift Elysha ever gave me (a book), and a couple of my favorite books of all time.
An incredible gift.
In addition to the artwork, I opened the following gifts this morning:
- A key tag from the Rosebud Motel (Schitt’s Creek)
- A punching leprechaun pen with light-up eyes
- A desktop vacuum disguised in a mushroom
- Notebooks that double as ping pong paddles
- Desktop placard that reads: “Ask me about my cats”
- A space heater to turn my six month office into a maybe nine month one
- Lights, water bottle. outerwear, and a hat for cycling
- Calendar of the 365 smartest things ever said
- “No Reading Allowed: The Worst Read Aloud Book Ever”
- Desktop ski ball
- Cozy socks
- A Star Wars tee shirt that reads, “Pew! Pew! Pew!”
Charlie received an identical tee-shirt. He and I constantly shoot at each other using these words.
I hope you received gifts just as brilliant as these this holiday season.
