Iron crotch kung fu is real. Unfortunately.

I’m constantly counseling people to say yes to every opportunity.

Shut no doors.
Be open to doing the things that scare you most.
The hard thing and the right thing are often the same thing.

All of this is true.

Except when it comes to iron crotch kung fu.

Iron crotch kung fu is a really, really stupid strand of martial arts wherein the practitioner trains himself to take enormous physical punishment to the groin area.

Its most famous technique involves a steel-plate capped log, six feet in length and weighing 88 pounds, that swings through the air and smashes into a man’s crotch.

“When you practice iron crotch kung fu, as long as you push yourself, you will feel great,” said Wang, head of the Juntun Martial Arts Academy.

Yes, that’s right. One of the only practitioners of this brand of kung fu in the world is named Wang.

The universe has a sense of humor.

Wang insists that with the correct methods and sufficient practice, it does not hurt and has no effect on fertility.

I have so many questions:

First, how many times must you be smashed in the groin before sufficient levels of practice has been achieved?

More importantly, how did this bizarre form of kung fu originate?

Who was the first person to suspend an 88 pound log from the ceiling by chains in order to smash himself in the groin?

What was his initial rationale behind this? What could’ve possibly been his source of inspiration?

How many times has he blacked out while practicing this martial art?

How did he convince others to join him in this insanity?

How many friends did he lose when they discovered what he was doing?

What does this parents think?

Was this originally his wife’s idea?

It must’ve been. Right?

I’ve known for a long time that the world is a strange and wondrous place. What I didn’t realize was that “strange and wondrous” included grown men repeatedly smashing themselves in the groin with lumber.

I might’ve been better off not knowing.