I’ve taken on a new mission that I wanted to suggest to you:
When I’m with one or more people, speaking positively about someone who isn’t present, I write a letter to that person to let them know about the conversation.
Two weeks ago, I found myself in a group speaking fondly of someone we all knew, so the next day I wrote a note to the person, letting them know that a group of people spent 15 minutes saying nothing but positive things about them, even though they were not present.
About a month ago, I did the same for a friend we were speaking about in glowing terms while on the golf course, and before that, for a friend whom friends and I spoke about with great affection while driving together.
It’s a tiny version of the moment when Tom Sawyer got to attend his own funeral:
Tom got to hear what people would say about him after he died.
The recipients of these notes are happily still alive, and a letter certainly isn’t as grandiose as a funeral, but it’s my way of letting people know that when you’re not around, others have fond things to say about you.
It’s also a lovely counterbalance to times when people have less-than-kind things to say about you when you’re not present, which sadly can happen. For my entire teaching career, I worked with someone who said some of the vilest, rotten things about me behind my back while acting syrupy sweet in my presence, and going so far as to routinely ask for my help and advice despite what she was saying about me to others.
It was constant and apparently awful enough to make many people uncomfortable and outraged when she launched into these ad hominem attacks.
It was an odd thing for her to do, given that she often said these vile things to colleagues who were my friends.
People who genuinely loved me.
As a result, word always got back to me, and some of my friends even scolded me for being so helpful to her, knowing what she had said about me days or even hours before.
I found the whole thing both sad and amusing:
Sad for her, who obviously has issues beyond just me, and amusing because of my constant and direct pipeline to her cruelty.
What the hell was she thinking?
This new mission is a lovely counter to all of the pettiness of the world, and I can’t recommend it enough.
Wouldn’t it be amazing to know what kind and complimentary things people say about you when you’re not around?
I think so. Thus, in my small way, I’m trying to make that happen. Maybe you will, too.
I’m genuinely excited when I drop one of these notes in the mail, knowing that in a day or two, the recipient will receive an envelope filled with some of the kind things people say about them when they aren’t present.
I can’t imagine a better thing to find in your mailbox.
