When ghosting is perfectly acceptable

Kristen Rogers of CNN wrote an article entitled, “Ghosting is usually a terrible thing to do. Here’s when it’s OK”

Rogers quotes psychologist Dr. Jennice Vilhauer, who recently wrote a book on ghosting. She asserts that ghosting is never acceptable except in cases when there has been abuse and further communication would put you in danger or when the other person is exhibiting inappropriate behaviors such as sending unsolicited explicit photos, showing up at your workplace, stealing from you, or showing blatant disregard for your boundaries.
Otherwise, she asserts, ghosting is wrong.

According to experts (including Dr. Vilhauer), ghosting lacks the clarity and certainty of an explicit rejection, which helps people process, feel closure, and move on. The absence of these things can be distressing, especially if you’re filling in the blanks with worst-case scenarios, as many do. People can become more guarded, which is detrimental to finding future love and friendship.

Ghosting can actually harm future relationships.

But I’m afraid I have to disagree with Dr. Vilhauer.

I think ghosting is perfectly acceptable because cowards must be afforded the latitude required to be themselves. Cowards lack decency, self-respect, and courage, which makes ghosting unavoidable. We must accept that these weak, pathetic, simple-minded losers are incapable of doing the right thing and can only do what’s possible for them.

Think about it:

We don’t allow toddlers to drive or operate heavy machinery because of their limited size and mental faculties. Similarly, we must acknowledge that cowards lack the fortitude, strength, moral clarity, and civility to behave like adults and communicate in a way that might make them feel uncomfortable or embarrassed or require them to find a backbone.

We can’t expect worms to rise up and do the right thing.

We can’t expect chickens to stop being chickens.

When I was dating, breaking up with someone over the phone or via a note was considered impolite. Both were grudgingly acceptable but not preferred. A real-life discussion was considered best. It was never easy, but as someone once famously and brilliantly said:

“The hard thing and the right thing are often the same thing.”

It was me. I said that.

And yes, Dr. Vilhauer acknowledges that in some situations, some people would prefer to be ghosted rather than know how much the “ghost” dislikes them, but she also said you can’t predict how someone will feel. So, whether it’s a friendship or romantic connection you’re ending, experts agree that providing some final communication so the recipient can at least process it is best.

So claiming the person you ghosted probably wanted to be ghosted doesn’t fly.

Besides, most of us know ghosting is wrong. It’s an act of cowardice. It is a self-centered, weak-willed decision by someone who probably also leaves dirty dishes in the sink and clips their toenails in public.

But as wrong as it may be, cowards exist, and they can’t help but be cowards, so we must accept that as pathetic and infantile as ghosting may be, some people can’t help it.

Dr. Jennice Vilhauer needs to stop acting like an ableist and accept the fact that some people suck and can’t help but do the cowardly, immoral thing.

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