Trump’s new legal team is quite a duo

By mattyd | February 3, 2021 |

As you may have heard, Donald Trump’s entire legal team quit last week. In the midst of preparing a defense for his upcoming impeachment trial, the five attorneys tasked with the job of defending the former President decided that it was in their best interests to end their involvement with the case.

Trump and his former legal team released a statement indicating their departure was was a mutually agreed upon decision.

News outlets report that Trump wants his impeachment defense to center on the fabrication that the election was stolen from him, and that his now former legal team refused to pursue that line of defense.

Not only do his lies about a stolen election have nothing to do with the impeachment charge against him, but attorneys can be disbarred and even prosecuted for knowingly presenting falsehoods in a court of law. This is why Trump’s legal team quit and why Trump is having such a hard time finding any attorney willing to work for him anymore.

Also, he famously doesn’t pay his legal bills because he’s a grifter and cheat.

But fear not, Americans. Trump has replaced his legal team with two new, esteemed attorneys who will surely mount a more than adequate defense on behalf of the former President.

They are:

David Schoen, who met with accused sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein in prison days before Epstein died by suicide in order to discuss representation. Schoen has also stated publicly that he doesn’t believe Epstein killed himself in prison and was likely murdered.

Bruce Castor, a Pennsylvania attorney who previously served as Montgomery County district attorney. Back in 2005, Castor declined to bring charges against Bill Cosby after a woman reported that the comedian had sexually assaulted her at his home in Montgomery County.

Cosby, of course, was later tried and convicted in 2018 for drugging and sexually assaulting a woman at his home in 2004.

That’s it. Trump’s entire legal team consists of a attorney who was meeting with Jeffrey Epstein before his death and an attorney who refused to bring charges against Bill Cosby.

I’m sure it will be fine. The majority of Republican Senators have already indicated that they will be voting to acquit Trump on impeachment charges, mostly because they are a bunch of goddamn cowards who are more frightened about losing an election than being murdered by a marauding band of insurrectionists at their place of employment.

In the hours and days following the storming of the Capitol, many Republican Senators publicly declared that Donald Trump was to blame for the insurrection. They declared openly that he needed to be held accountable.

Since then, most of changed their position, primarily because they are spineless, pathetic losers.

Regardless, Trump is undoubtedly in good legal hands. I’m sure that David Schoen and Bruce Castor are highly competent attorneys and upstanding citizens.

Excluding their unfortunate connections with accused and convicted sex offenders, of course.

You really can’t make this stuff up.

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