A recent Quora question asked, “What were the three most important decisions of your life?”
I’ve been debating this question for almost a month, and I have finally settled on three. While many decisions could have occupied these three spots, I decided to favor the toughest and most unlikely decisions of my life rather than the ones that were easy and obvious.
For example, deciding to marry Elysha is probably the most important decision of my life, but it was barely a decision. Who wouldn’t want to marry Elysha if given the chance? It was a no-brainer.
Instead, I found three extremely important decisions in my life that could have gone either way and changed the course of my life forever.
It was a fun exercise. I highly recommend it.
1. Maintaining my innocence when charged with grand larceny and embezzlement.
While being questioned about a crime that I did not commit, police officers almost had me convinced to confess to the crime and take their deal rather than risk a trial and a lengthy prison sentence. I spent a couple minutes in an unlit mop closet in the basement of the police station, pondering that decision, and I ultimately decided to stick to the truth, but it was a close call. The police can apply a great deal of pressure in these moments, particularly when you are a 21 year-old kid without any parents, any money, or an attorney, and you’ve entered your fifth hour of questioning.
I was arrested, jailed, and eventually released to await trial. This led to homelessness, sharing a room with a goat, and more than a year spent working more than 80 hours a week at two different jobs in order to pay a $25,000 attorney’s bill. While working one of these jobs, I was the victim of a violent armed robbery that has left me with post traumatic stress disorder.
It was the hardest two years of my life, but at the trial, I was ultimately found not guilty.
Had I confessed and accepted that plea deal offered by the police, I would’ve had a felony of my record and could not have become a teacher.
My life would’ve turned out very differently.
2. Choosing West Hartford Public Schools over Newington Public Schools.
In the summer of 1999, my hometown of Newington, CT had offered me a permanent position as third grade teacher in one of their elementary schools. I asked for a day to consider their offer, but the wait time was merely perfunctory. I was taking the job.
During that 24 hour period, I received a call from Plato Karafelis, a principal in West Hartford requesting an interview. Out of curiosity more than anything else, I agreed to speak to him that day. Three hours later, he had offered me a one year position covering for a second grade teacher on maternity leave.
The permanent position in Newington would have been the wise and sensible choice. It was in my hometown and would provide me with long-term stability in a time when teaching jobs were hard to find. But I was impressed by the principal, his commitment to children, and his support for the arts. After much debate, I decided to take a chance and accept the one year position in West Hartford, hoping it might turn into a permanent position.
Today, 23 years later, I am still teaching in that same school.
That decision changed my life. I met my wife, Elysha, while teaching at that school. I met many of my closest friends while teaching, including Plato, who has since retired but remains a close friend today. I met my son’s and daughter’s future godparents while teaching at that school. Many of my former students eventually became my children’s favorite babysitters, and some are my friends today.
I officiated the wedding of one of my former students two years ago.
Thanks to Plato and the culture of the school, I was given the freedom to create a classroom environment that placed reading, writing, and theater at its core. I developed a teaching philosophy that has led to much success. I was named Teacher of the Year in West Hartford and was a finalist for Connecticut Teacher of the Year.
I started playing golf, a game that I love beyond all others, thanks to the friends I met at that school, and ultimately wrote a book about it that I hope to sell soon.
The school’s community, teachers, students, and parents, have become a second family to me. When my job and my future were threatened years ago, they rallied around me in ways I could have never expected.
It’s hard to imagine where I might be here today had I accepted that safer, more secure job in Newington, but I know I would not be nearly so happy as I am today.
3. Saying yes when my friend asked me to start a wedding DJ company with him.
In 1997, I was attending both Trinity College and Saint Joseph’s University full time, working on degrees in both English and elementary education. I was also managing a McDonald’s restaurant full time and tutoring students part-time at the college’s writing center. I was writing for the college’s newspaper. I was the Treasurer of the Student Senate.
I was busier than I had ever been in my life.
Then my friend, Bengi, called and asked if I wanted to be a wedding DJ, even though we had no experience, equipment, or knowledge of the industry.
I said yes.
Almost 25 years later, we remain in business. I have entertained at more than 400 weddings. The DJ company has provided me with much needed income through the lean times of my life.
I met Shep, one of my best friends, while working as the DJ at his wedding, and that friendship has led to me becoming a Patriots season ticket holder and attending games with him for the past 20 years. Shep also led me back into writing when I had given up hope on ever becoming a novelist and professional writer.
I would not have a writing career today had it not been for him.
As a DJ, I unknowingly gained years of public speaking experience, which allowed me to step into the world of storytelling and public speaking with unexpected ease and success. I won my very first storytelling competition – a Moth StorySLAM – and I’ve won 52 StorySLAM’s and 7 GrandSLAM championships since, thanks in part to my ability to speak in front of others without any nervousness or fear.
Today, I perform on stages all over the world.
Telling stories for The Moth led to Speak Up, the Hartford-based storytelling organization that Elysha and I founded in 2013. We produce shows, teach workshops, and produce a podcast on storytelling. We’ve met some of our closest friends through storytelling. We’ve spent time with some amazing people. Our lives are infinitely more interesting thanks to storytelling.
As a result of my success while teaching storytelling, I wrote a book – Storyworthy – and have another on the way. Today, I consult with Fortune 500 companies, attorneys, clergy members, entrepreneurs, filmmakers, authors, universities, politicians, comedians, and many, many more on storytelling, communication, and messaging.
None of this happens without my success on stage, and that might never have happened without my years of public speaking as a DJ.
The DJ business also led to me becoming ordained as a minister after a client asked if I could also officiate their wedding. I have presided over more than 20 weddings, one baptism, and three baby naming ceremonies, and I have worked at the substitute minuter at three different Unitarian Universalist Churches when their ministers were on vacation.
Saying yes to becoming a wedding DJ back in 1997 was a risky decision given all that I was doing at the time. Launch a business while already working full time and enrolled in two full time degree programs at two different schools was a little crazy, but that unlikely yes has changed my life forever.
