An actual conversation I had with someone recently:
ME: It makes me crazy when I offer someone some logical, effective, proven advice, solicited advice, even, but they just aren’t open to receiving the feedback. Why are people so opposed to examining their own life and making a change?
FRIEND: Are you always open to feedback?
ME: I think I am. At least when it comes from a reputable source. Someone I trust, or someone who’s led a successful in life.
FRIEND: Are you sure? Maybe you should reflect on that. I’m not saying you’re unreceptive to feedback, but don’t just assume that you are.
ME: Okay, if you think I should, I will.
FRIEND: Good.
ME: By the way, my willingness to reflect upon my willingness to accept feedback IS PROOF THAT I ACCEPT FEEDBACK!
FRIEND: You’re not always a joy to talk to.
Despite my retort, I have been reflecting on my willingness to receive feedback since that conversation, and despite my friend’s doubt, I think I seek and accept feedback very well.
Elysha confirms this.
In fact, my favorite kind of feedback is the unsolicited kind. I know a lot of people have a problem with unsolicited feedback. Just do an image search on the words “unsolicited advice” and you’ll find hundreds of memes and imaging attacking the notion of unsolicited advice and the people who offer it. But I am keenly aware that I don’t know what I don’t know.
It’s easy to ask for advice for a problem that you may be having. The real problem is not knowing you have a problem. For that, unsolicited advice is essential. Perhaps hard to hear at times, and oftentimes phrased as an attack, but important nonetheless.
I should know. I receive it all the time. I’ve written a blog post every single day of my life since 2003 – 6,469 in all – so I’ve become quite accustomed to unsolicited feedback, from many, many people. It arrives in my inbox on a daily basis.
Some of it has been quite good and has changed my life in positive ways.
Some of it has been decidedly less useful but was still delivered with noble intent.
Some of it has been scathing, biting and rude. Often accompanied by name-calling and exclamation points.
Most important, all of it is easily ignored if necessary.
That’s the great thing about unsolicited advice:
You can listen with an open mind and heart, but you need not take it.
My unsolicited advice to you:
Welcome and embrace unsolicited feedback with an open heart and mind. If delivered with good intent, thank the person offering it to you.
Consider it carefully.
If it doesn’t apply to you, just ignore it.
