I wrote something a little bit ago that included the words “sexual preference.” A reader sent me a message in response that I wanted to highlight.
They wrote:
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Great post. Would you consider changing the word “preference” to “orientation”, please?
Sexuality is not a favorite flavor, car model, or vacation destination. It’s what you’re dealt with at birth. It’s the privileged or the brave who are fortunate enough to embrace, celebrate, and share that gift of their true self openly.
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I was annoyed, of course.
Not because of what the reader said but because I’ve been told this before.
I agree. “Sexual preference” is a stupid way to describe sexuality, but after decades of hearing “sexual preference” used to describe a person’s sexuality, that vestigial nomenclature still sometimes finds its way from my brain to my fingertips while I type.
I’ll try to do better in the future.
But I think the way this reader approached me is instructive.
Not angry or outraged. Not incendiary or mean. Instead, the reader was kind, polite, and instructive. Their message was born from the desire to educate rather than repudiate.
As someone who has written a blog post every day for nearly two decades, I’ve received many angry, outraged, and incendiary responses over the years. A few may even have been justified, but most were simply attempts by readers to change how I think or act by scolding, shouting, bullying, or calling me names.
Thankfully, I don’t care. I find these responses amusing, ephemeral, and often ridiculous.
But when I receive a message like this, I always appreciate it. I want to learn, I want to be better, I enjoy hearing differing perspectives, and I don’t mind being asked to reconsider my position.
But that almost never happens when someone behaves like a jerk.
