I was offering feedback on the client’s upcoming keynote. I began by pointing out something she had done well. Before I could make my next point, she said, “I don’t need a compliment sandwich. Just tell me what to fix.”
“The idea of the compliment sandwich is stupid,” I said. “The idea was invented by people who are not teachers and do not understand how to effectively help people learn and change behavior.”
“Explain,” she said.
I told her that positive feedback is a highly effective means of teaching and promoting change. People often do something well without any awareness of what they are doing well — either innately or accidentally — so offering positive feedback makes these things known and promotes their consistent use.
When I tell someone that I love the way they pause after landing a critical point in their talk, I’m making sure they know that these pauses are an excellent strategy for promoting audience understanding and retention so that they continue to pause at this moment and perhaps do so even more throughout the keynote.
When I tell a storyteller that the way they widen the lens for the audience is perfect for the scene, they may have no idea what they’re even doing. But by complimenting them on the strategy and explaining it in depth, they suddenly become aware of something in their storyteller toolbox that they can deploy again and again beyond the scene in question.
Positive feedback is just as effective in improving performance as offering critical feedback.
Maybe more so.
Compliments—positive feedback—should not be used to cushion critical feedback. They should help people become more aware and consistent of what they already do well.
Critical feedback — when presented properly with empathy, care, and respect — does not need a cushion. If you require a compliment sandwich to deliver critical feedback, you’re not doing it right.
After we finished our session, my client—the vice president of a large technology firm—said that she needed to rethink how she approached her team and offered feedback.
“No one ever told me compliments can change behavior,” she said. “But you’re right. When someone compliments me on a sweater, I’m more likely to wear that sweater. When someone tells me they like how I ran a meeting, I’m more likely to run it that way the next time.”
I complimented her on being so open-minded and reflective about what I had said in hopes of promoting that behavior in the future.
Open-minded and reflective clients — and people — are my favorite.
