Years ago, Elysha Dicks and I were attending a Moth StorySLAM in Boston.
The host of the show reached her hand into the bag filled with potential storyteller names, pulled out a slip of paper, and announced the name of the next storyteller.
The young man sitting directly in front of us rose, took the stage, and proceeded to tell one of the worst stories that Elysha and I have ever heard. It was cringe-worthy pile of self-congratulation, failed jokes, and a constant, persistent reference to the Ivy League school that he had attended.
The man basically bragged about himself for the entire time and giggled about things that only he found amusing.
The story also went well past the allotted six minutes.
I don’t hear many stories that I genuinely despise. Maybe a handful in all my years, but this was one of them.
Maybe the worst. Elysha agrees.
When the man sat back down, the woman sitting beside him reached over, hugged him, kissed him, and told him that he had performed brilliantly. It was an honest-to-goodness outpouring of pride and love for a story well told. Absolute admiration for this man and what he had just done.
The judges did not agree.
This moment has plagued me for years.
What is better?
Would you prefer that your significant other see your faults clearly and offer honest, direct feedback when you fail miserably, or would you instead prefer a significant other who loves you so much that they adore and admire almost everything that you do?
I know the logical, sensible answer is the former, and when it comes to public performances and other creative pursuits, perhaps an honest assessment is always preferred lest you continue to embarrass yourself and fail to realize your dreams.
But isn’t there something at least a little appealing about being married to someone who thinks that almost everything you do is fantastic, lovely, and just about perfect?
At least in some realms of your life?
You’re an objectively terrible cook, for example, but your spouse loves every bland, overcooked meal that you prepare.
You’re horrible in bed, yet your spouse is satisfied every time.
You have the worst taste in music, but your spouse thinks that every playlist you design is a sonic masterpiece.
It’s not all bad. Right?
If forced to choose, I opt for the spouse who offers honest, direct feedback every time. This is the relationship I have with Elysha, and it has benefited me immensely over the years. She is smart, wise, and possesses excellent taste. She has stopped me from stepping too far over the line many times and prevented me from sounding too self-congratulatory on several occasions.
I am less of a jerk-face because of her.
But it’s not an easy decision for me.
Unbridled, relentless admiration doesn’t sound so bad, either.
Right?
