A bit of advice for all comics or performers of any kind:
The last three words that you speak onstage should never be, “That’s my time.”
It’s a repetitive, boring, and unoriginal way to end your set. It’s also how many, if not the majority, of comics end their set, which is precisely why you should not.
If you sound like everyone, you sound like no one.
It’s also the final impression you leave with an audience, and it’s a lousy one. It’s not funny, and it means nothing. It’s three stupid words that simply report on the amount of time you’ve been speaking.
It’s dumb.
And yes, I know these three little words have been used to end sets for a long, long time, and given my limited standup experience, one might wonder:
“Who the hell are you to suggest an industry norm is stupid?”
Answer:
I’m Matthew Dicks, and I’m absolutely, positively correct. You don’t need to be doing two dozen sets per week to realize “That’s my time” is stupid. I knew it before I ever started doing standup, and I know it now that I’ve been doing standup.
Find something better.
Those last few words might really make a difference.
For example:
After enjoying a meal in a restaurant in Quebec City a few nights ago, our server processed the check at the table, handed me the receipt, and said, “Thank you. See you tomorrow,” then quickly pivoted and walked away.
Elysha and I laughed aloud. It was unexpected, confident, and amusing. It was made even funnier by the fact that the server knew we were visiting the city, leaving soon, and were unlikely to eat at the same restaurant twice.
It was clever and cheeky, designed to elicit a response, and it did.
“See you tomorrow” was an original, amusing, and meaningful way to end a meal.
Those three little words made us laugh.
Not a bad way to end a set.
So when the light comes on, signaling your time is up, or the clock on the wall is approaching zero, at the very least, land your last joke — funny or not — and thank the audience.
Then walk offstage.
Thanking the audience might also be unoriginal, but at least it has some genuine meaning. Those two little words express an actual sentiment:
“Thank you for listening to my funny and not-so-funny jokes without throwing things at me or heckling me.”
It’s not a great way to end a set, but it’s a hell of a lot better than “That’s my time.”
