Spite-fueled marketing

Chicago has a long-standing adversarial relationship with ketchup.

It’s a time-honored tradition in Chicago to insult people who put ketchup on hot dogs, and some restaurants honor this tradition by refusing to offer ketchup in their establishments.

Some restaurants will even ask you to leave if you request the condiment.

For the record, I don’t put anything on my hot dog, and neither does my wife, Elysha. It was one of the many ways I knew we were meant for each other.

Still, fools and cretins should be allowed to slather their already-pristine hot dogs with ketchup if they so choose. As much as I despise the notion of condiments on a hot dog, I hate pretentiousness and authoritarianism even more.

Enter the most famous ketchup maker of all:

Heinz.

Heinz is coming to the rescue of ketchup-loving Chicagoans by putting up small billboards that dispense the condiment outside famous local restaurants that refuse to serve ketchup. Passersby will be able to smack a ketchup bottle attached to the boards, and packets of Heinz ketchup will fall out.

It’s an in-your-face guerilla marketing campaign built on spite and audacity, so naturally, I love it.

Whoever came up with this idea deserves a raise, a bonus, and a promotion.

It’s genius.