Sir Snail makes me mad

I received a text message from Elysha that read:

“In other news, Sir Snail is rivaling you as the most industrious member of this household. I cannot believe how the tank looks after less than two weeks of his arrival.”

Sir Snail is the snail that Charlie recently added to his aquarium. In a matter of days, this tiny snail had eliminated most of the algae that had collected in the tank.

Good news, of course, unless you’re rivaling me as “the most industrious member” of my household, which makes me want to kill you.

Here’s the thing:

It makes no sense to be angry at a mindless little mollusk for efficiently cleaning my son’s aquarium, but if he’s going to rival me in any way regarding productivity, then yes, I will be a little angry.

No joke.

It’s not like I’m going to kill Sir Snail, and I won’t wish death upon him, but I’m certainly not a fan.

Also, I’d like to see him wash and fold two loads of laundry, empty the dishwasher, make breakfast for the kids, feed the cats, pack the lunches, do 50 pushups and 50 situps, and write the next chapter of a book all before 6:30 AM.

Sir Snail rivaling my productivity?

I don’t think so.