“Do not use semicolons,” wrote Kurt Vonnegut, who averaged fewer than 30 a novel (about one every 10 pages). “All they do is show you’ve been to college.”
I agree with Vonnegut, but I am a true evangelist:
I’ve published nine books and written three others, and I have never used a semicolon.
I make Vonnegut look like the President of the Semicolon Fan Club by comparison.
If you find a semicolon in one of my books, it was added later by a copy editor.
Not me.
I despise semicolons. I don’t trust them. They’re slippery and frustrating. Hard to use and easy to get wrong.
They’re also ugly. They make text look academic and foolish. They shout, “Hey, look at me!” when punctuation should be seen but not heard.
The sentence is a thing of beauty. Just write two sentences rather than trying to connect them with a semicolon.
Apparently, I’m not alone.
A study of UK authors shows that the semicolon is on the decline. Its usage in English books has plummeted by almost half in two decades, from one appearing in every 205 words in 2000 to one used in every 390 words today.
Further research by Lisa McLendon, author of The Perfect English Grammar Workbook, found that 67% of British students never or rarely use the semicolon. Just 11% of respondents described themselves as frequent users.
Good. Let’s get rid of the damn things.
We don’t need them.
We don’t want them.
We don’t like them.
Let them die a speedy death.
