Dr. Ruth Westheimer, the iconic sex therapist whose advice helped educate millions of Americans about sexual desires and practices, sadly died this week.
I met Dr. Ruth backstage at Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health in the spring of 2016. We were both speaking at a TEDx conference. She spoke about the importance of taking risks, and I delivered my “Homework for Life” talk.
As I stepped backstage into the green room to prepare to speak, I found Dr. Ruth sitting there, reviewing her notes.
Before I could say anything, she introduced herself and said, “Tell me about you.” I did, trying to be as brief as possible. I am awful when it comes to backstage and green rooms. My lack of nervousness, cavalier attitude, and unconscionable degree of self-confidence make me chatty, carefree, and relaxed before a show, which is often exactly what a performer doesn’t want or need just before taking the stage.
While I’m asking performers about their kids, their weekend plans, or the cheeseburger they just ate, they are trying to lock in a story, memorize transition points in a talk, gain control of their nerves, and focus on the task at hand.
I’ve been told to leave the green room more than once.
But Dr. Ruth was as relaxed as me, so when I finished telling her a little bit about myself, she said, “Okay, how is your sex life?”
She didn’t wink at me when she asked this question, but her words somehow felt like a wink. An assurance of sorts that it would be okay to answer honestly.
“Fine,” I said, a little taken aback.
“Well,” she said. “That is a sad way to describe a sex life.” Then she offered me five tips for improving it.
I took notes.
A moment later, one of the producers appeared and told me to get ready. My moment in the orange circle had arrived.
I shook Dr. Ruth’s hand and waved goodbye. I took the stage and delivered my talk. I sat in the audience a little while later as she delivered hers.
Now, she is gone, having left an enormous impact on the world in a brave, bold, unique, and important way.
She zigged while everyone else was zagging.
I hope to have a tiny fraction of the impact on this world that Dr. Ruth did.
Rest in peace, Dr. Ruth.
