I was speaking to an expecting mother recently. She lamented how many people were warning her about the perils of parenting.
“So many warnings,” she said. “It’s starting to scare me.”
I remember this well. When Elysha and I were expecting, I received similar sentiments of doom and gloom all the damn time.
And so, in response:
Matthew Dicks’s Pregnancy Dos and Don’ts
1. Don’t tell an expecting parent that they will never sleep well again. Sleep may be elusive for some parents, but for many of us, it was less so. Don’t damper the excitement of expecting parents.
And if you aren’t sleeping because your infant is struggling to establish a schedule, allow me to suggest “Happiest Baby on the Block.” Elysha and I didn’t read a single book about parenting or babies before the birth of our children except for this book.
Honestly, I only read about a third of it.
But it was the important third.
Our kids slept and continue to sleep like champions.
2. Don’t tell an expecting parent they will not see the inside of a movie theater for at least five years. Non-crazed, emotionally mature parents can hire a babysitter or ask a grandparent to watch the baby a few times a year if they enjoy seeing a movie. Elysha and I saw 16 movies during Clara’s first year of life, and while we had babysitters for some of them, many were watched at the drive-in while my daughter slept quietly in the backseat.
You can always find a way to continue doing the things you love, even when you must keep a tiny human alive.
3. Don’t criticize a name choice after it has been made. Be honest if an expecting parent requests an opinion on a potential name. If the expecting parent informs you of a naming decision, say something nice or nod approvingly, regardless of your opinion. Only terrible people criticize a name choice once made.
4. Do not comment on an expecting mother’s decision to eat tuna fish, run a marathon, or drink a glass of wine. We do not live in the Stone Age. Between doctors, nurses, books, magazines, and the internet, expecting mothers know the possible complications associated with such decisions but also understand the concept of moderation. If they aren’t driving on the wrong side of the road without a seatbelt or doing keg stands, keep your judgmental thoughts to yourself.
5. Do not ask an expecting mother how much weight she has put on during her pregnancy. Actually, you should never ask anyone about their weight, but the weight of pregnant mothers seems to garner a great deal of interest from idiots and fools. Do not lump yourself into one of these categories.
6. Generally, don’t say ANYTHING negative about parenting or children to expectant and new parents. I am baffled by the obsessive need of some people to play the role of the harbinger of death, warning parents about the pitfalls and perils of parenthood.
Old standards from this particular breed of malcontent include:
“Sleep now because you won’t be sleeping soon!”
“Start saving now because the cost of diapers alone will break the bank!”
“Oh, you just wait until he is crawling!”
“You think it’s easy now. Wait until she can talk back to you.”
My standard response to such doom-and-gloom remarks went something like this:
“Why would you say something like that to me? Is your own existence so miserable that you feel the need to bring me down? Does spreading despair and misery make you feel better about yourself? Take your negativity somewhere else.”
Feel free to use this response or something similar if needed. It generally puts these pests in their place.
7. Be excited and optimistic about parenting when you are in the company of expectant parents. Tell stories about the joys of parenting and the love you feel for your child. Be relentlessly positive. Expecting parents are often bombarded by doom and gloom. They are constantly warned about the hazards and perils ahead. They are offered mountains of advice about potential difficulties that lie in the future.
I will never understand the desire of so many to ruin a pregnant person’s day by dumping their parenting problems upon them.
Instead, be the antithesis of that negativity. Be a bright, beaming beacon of positivity for expecting people everywhere.
Expecting parents have a right to be excited about their future child. Help them be excited.
