This weekend, the New York Times cooking section published a recipe for a peanut butter and pickle sandwich.
When I saw it, I initially thought it was a joke. A parody of some sort.
But no. They were serious. Not only were they serious, but it turns out that peanut butter and pickle sandwiches are not new. When I showed the recipe to Elysha, she said, “Yeah, I’ve heard of that before. I’d try it.”
Try it?
I was appalled, for three reasons:
- Admittedly, I despise pickles. I can’t stand the taste of them, and even worse, I can’t stand the way they infect everything around them. A pickle on a plate can make your hot dog and French fries become pickle-infused monstrosities. Pickles are like a virus, spreading their insidious contagion to anything coming in contact with them.
- Pickles are the only food item that can be placed on a plate without warning. If I order a cheeseburger and fries in a restaurant, it’s entirely possible that a third food item – a pickle – not mentioned at all on the menu – will also be placed on the plate, too, unless I preempt their arrival by asking the server to hold the possible pickle. Why is it acceptable to add a food item to a plate that was not mentioned on the menu beforehand?
- For years, I have touted my invention of the peanut butter and tuna fish sandwich, and the handful of people willing to try it have generally found it to range from acceptable to excellent. Yet when I bring the idea up, I am often mocked or dismissed.
But the New York Times can publish a recipe for a peanut butter and pickle sandwich, and no one blinks an eye?
And this bizarre combination turns out to be a real thing? Something that people on this planet choose to eat on a regular basis?
It’s not fair.
Tuna fish and peanut butter isn’t any stranger than peanut butter and pickles, and honestly, it might just be a lot less weird.
Yet people often think my sandwich is ridiculous.
Where’s my New York Times recipe? Where’s the open-mindedness that my sandwich deserves? Where is the respect that the tuna fish and peanut butter sandwich deserves?
Maybe I’ll submit my sandwich recipe to the New York Times to see what happens.
In case you’re interested in my peanut butter and tuna fish sandwich, here is what I wrote about it a few years ago:
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I am the inventor of the peanut butter and tuna fish sandwich.
This bit of culinary brilliance was born of necessity.
When I was a kid, my mother occasionally served us tuna fish sandwiches for lunch. Rightfully despising mayonnaise more than almost any other food product on the planet, my sandwiches consisted of tuna on white bread.
Nothing more.
Lacking any binding agent, the tuna in my sandwich would simply fall out whenever I lifted it off the plate, which made it difficult and annoying to eat.
One day, as my mother was making our lunch, I saw a can of tuna fish sitting beside a jar of peanut butter, and I had an inspiration. I took a dollop of peanut butter and popped it into the microwave for a few seconds, just long enough to soften it a bit, and then I mixed it with tuna fish before placing it on my Wonder bread.
The peanut butter and tuna fish sandwich was born.
And it was good.
The typical reaction when I mention this sandwich is disgust, but this annoys me for two reasons:
- I’ve spent my life being told by people that I should like more food, try more foods, and give more food a chance. Yet when I suggest that they might find this sandwich tasty, people refuse to even consider the possibility.
- People eat raw fish on a regular basis. Bull testicles. Olive loaf. Jello salad. Chitlins. Many of these foods probably seemed disgusting to you at some point (and some might still sound disgusting), but they are all regularly eaten in this country. You’re almost certainly eating food today that you once thought would be awful. Is a peanut butter and tuna fish sandwich really all that different?
For the record, I’ve served peanut butter and tuna fish to friends before. Years ago, I designed and operated a race for my friends, modeled after the television show The Amazing Race. Teams of two raced around town, completing tasks and taking on challenges. It was great fun, and even better when Elysha became involved after the first year.
Each one of my races had a theme. One year, the theme was me. Tasks and challenges related to my life. One of my tasks was to eat a peanut butter and tuna fish sandwich. At least two people participating in that race admitted to liking the sandwich, and I have served it to several other people since then.
As far as I know, at least two people still eat peanut butter and tuna fish sandwiches on a regular basis.
I’m not saying that you will like peanut butter and tuna fish sandwiches. I merely suggesting that you have an open mind about the thing. If you’re willing to try raw squid or partake in ice cream that tastes like leftover cereal milk or pretend that green bean casserole is little more than a Trojan horse for Campbell’s cream of mushroom soup, maybe you could give my creation a chance.
Or at least not mock it until you’ve tried it.
