Several weeks ago, back when the world was still normal, a popular meme went around on social media called “Never Have I Ever.” The goal of the game was to give yourself a point for every item on the list that you had never done.
Here’s the list.
It was a good premise, but I didn’t think the list was constructed very well. Being the author of a novel written entirely in lists, I like to think that I’m a bit of an expert on the subject.
I scored a 5 in the game. The things I had never done included:
- Done drugs
- Gotten a tattoo
- Smoked
- Gotten a piercing
- Been skydiving
A 5 seemed like a low number, but in talking with friends, most people scored between 4-6 points.
That’s no fun.
I thought it would be more fun to create a list of things that were less probable but still possible, so I spent some time creating a list of things that I’ve done in my life that most people have not.
Behold! My own “Never Have I Ever” list. I’ve done each and every item on the list at least once, so my score is zero.
What would your score be?
- Been arrested and put on trial for a crime you didn’t commit
- Required CPR from paramedic in order to restore your life (twice, though once is acceptable)
- Been lifted from your bed in the middle of the night by firefighters while your house burned
- Owned a pet raccoon
- Pole vaulted
- Evaded police in a high speed chase
- Officiated the wedding of your ex-wife’s ex-husband
- Assigned someone a permanent nickname that they didn’t want nor appreciated
- Been completely naked onstage in front of more than 200 strangers
- Robbed a retail establishment
- Been suspended from school for “inciting riot upon yourself”
- Been photographed for a medical journal after having been infected by a rare disease
- Been paid to strip at a bachelorette party
- Avoided using a drug of any kind, including tobacco
- Egged a teacher’s house
- Been homeless for more than a month
- Successfully sued the President of the United States
- Been robbed st gunpoint
- Accidentally left an infant home alone
- Competed in illegal, underground arm wresting tournaments
What’s your score?
Now go make your own list. I’d love to see it.
