I asked a friend – via text message – if he wanted to join my standup partner and me for an upcoming open mic night.
He said he’d think about it.
“Just say yes,” I texted back, as any supportive friend would.
His response:
“You live by just say yes. I live by just say meh.”
Did you see the tragic irony in that response?
First, it’s funny.
Granted, if you look at the text messages, you’ll see that it took him more than 75 minutes to respond to my text, so perhaps he spent all that time brainstorming an amusing response. Workshopping possible retorts with his wife and kids. Calling friends for alts and punch-ups. Asking ChatGPT for jokes.
Still, even if he received outside help, he chose the funny response. He should be doing standup with us.
But no. He lives not by saying yes but by saying meh, which scares the hell out of me.
I wrote a book entitled “Someday Is Today” which, among many other things, argues that regret is a feeling that should be avoided at all costs.
Worse than trying and failing is never having tried at all.
Worse than trying and discovering that you don’t like something is never having tried it at all.
Yet so often in life, when faced with the opportunity to do something new or challenging or frightening, most people say no.
It’s awful.
Most people live small, stagnant lives, pushing off dreams to another day and avoiding the difficult, scary challenges laid down before them. Then, one day, they die, having done a fraction of what was possible.
The hard thing and the right thing are so often the same thing, yet people so often choose the path of least resistance. Like water running down a mountain, they choose to have little say over their destiny and often end up in a place of disappointment and regret.
Ask hospice workers what patients talk about in their final days of life, and regret is always near the top of the list.
Regret for the chances not taken. Opportunities never explored. Questions never asked. Dreams never chased.
Thankfully, my friend has a lot going for him. He says he prefers to say, “Meh,” but in truth, he’s still chasing a difficult and elusive dream, constantly confronted by impasse and disappointment, but relentlessly moving forward.
Doing more than most people I know.
Still, why not stand-up comedy, too? Just one night to see what it feels like to stand in front of a room of mostly jaded comics, trying to make them laugh while they try not to laugh lest you be perceived as the funniest person in the room.
It’s often brutal, but as I said, the hard thing and the right thing are often the same thing. When someone opens a door to something new, you should leap at the opportunity, hopeful that your world might become a little larger, a little wider, and a little more interesting as a result.
And if you don’t like what you see, simply take a step back and close the door, free from the regret of always wondering what could have been.
Fear not:
I’ll continue to encourage my friend. Poke and prod until he finally relents.
It’s one of my talents:
Getting people to do what they need to do. Convincing them to find wellsprings of courage they didn’t know existed. Even if I need to resort to insult and shame, which I’ve been told is not the best or even right way to inspire others, I will.
When it comes to the possibility of facing regret later in life, all options must be on the table.
The stakes are too damn high.
