Small victories are still great victories.
Momentous victories.
Hilarious victories.
Case in point:
The Onion — the brilliant satirical publication that skewers newsmakers and current events so well that their articles are often mistaken as true stories by people unfamiliar with The Onion — said on Thursday that it had won a bankruptcy auction to acquire Infowars, a website founded and operated by the conspiracy theorist and all-round monster Alex Jones.
Alex Jones became infamous for propagating conspiracy theories, including one that the Sandy Hook massacre was faked, and he used his online media outlet, InfoWars, to convince small-minded idiots — of which there are apparently many — to believe him and purchase his merchandise and health supplements.
His propagation of this conspiracy theory — absent any evidence — put the families of the victims and the survivors through hell for years before Jones lost lawsuits totaling $1.4 billion.
The Onion said its bid for InfoWars was sanctioned by the families of the victims of the mass shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School, and it plans to re-launch Infowars in January as a parody of itself, mocking “weird internet personalities” like Jones, who traffic in misinformation and health supplements.
This is what I refer to as the zombie approach to warfare:
Turning your opponent and their weapons against them, amounting to a double loss.
It’s why you can’t realistically win a fight against a zombie army. They are constantly converting your soldiers into new zombies.
In a time when victories for the good guys feel few and far between, small wins like this are especially sweet.
As a bonus, I just learned that The Onion is now back in print with a physical copy of its monthly newspaper. I have two friends who I mock for still receiving physical newspapers every day, but in addition to Mad magazine, which I receive bi-monthly, I’ll now be receiving The Onion once per month.
A physical newspaper will soon be arriving at my home, too.
I can’t wait. Current headlines on The Onion include:
- Man Forgetting Difference Between Meteoroid, Meteorite Struggles To Describe What Just Killed His DogU.S. Deploys Socially
- Awkward Men Along Border To Deter Migrants
- Office Shooter Too Grossed Out To Kick Down Door Of Lactation Room
- Trump Nods Vacantly As Elon Musk Rattles Off 10th Consecutive Video Game Recommendation
- Oklahoma Law Requires Ten Commandments To Be Displayed In Every Womb
This will be $99 well spent.
A small contribution to the Rebel Alliance.
Also, a guaranteed laugh every month.
