It’s just a restroom

We stopped at a gas station on the way to Gillette Stadium last Sunday. While my buddy put gas in his truck, I went inside to use the restrooms and encountered two oddities.

First, the restrooms are apparently not restrooms at the Seasons Corner Markets.

They are Guestrooms.

Except, of course, they are not. A guestroom is a bedroom for a person who is staying over at someone’s home overnight. These supposed guestrooms are simply restrooms. Nothing more.

No bed. No dresser. No list of directions for stripping the bed and putting on new sheets when your stay is complete.

Just toilets, a sink, and a hand dryer.

This attempted re-naming of a restroom violates one of my core philosophies in life:

“Not every thing needs to be a thing.”

A restroom can just be a restroom. We have no need to change the name or imply that it’s more important than it really is.

Similar examples of “Not every thing needs to be a thing” include:

• Gender reveal parties
• Promposals
• The photographing and posting of images of the meal you didn’t actually make on social media
• Wedding invitations that weigh more than an adult chihuahua
• Bringing your chihuahua to the wedding (this happened at my wedding)

Not only was this guestroom nothing more than a restroom, but it was failing in that regard, too. The one urinal in this supposed guestroom was out of order, which can happen, of course. But in order to land this message, the proprietor of the establishment decided that wrapping the toilet entirely in plastic, strapping it down with tape, and affixing an “Out of Service” sign wasn’t enough to make it clear that the urinal should not be used.

No, in addition to all of that paraphernalia, traffic cones were also needed.

Not one but two. Two large traffic cones.

This is what’s known as “Putting a hat on a hat” which I also despise.

Actually, this might amount to putting a hat on a hat on a hat.

In all things, say it once, the best way possible, and move on.