7 perfectly good reasons why the use of a tanning booth is acceptable

Tanning has gotten a significantly bad rap as of late, primarily due to concerns regarding skin cancer. The FDA has issued health warnings related to tanning and are considering heightening the warnings on the tanning beds themselves.
Despite these dangers, I think there are some perfectly acceptable reasons to use a tanning booth on a regular basis.

They are:

1. You are so terribly insecure that you must modulate the tone of your skin in order to feel good about yourself.

2. You have always wanted your skin to be darker than your natural lip color.

3. Your internal fragility does not permit you to stand alongside another person whose skin might be more artificially darkened than your own.

4. You are physically incapable of engaging in the kind of outdoor activity that might provide you with a natural darkening of your skin. Rather than swimming, playing tennis, golfing, walking, or mowing the lawn, you simply prefer to lie down and bake for 30 minutes like a Thanksgiving Day turkey.

5. You’re going for the wise and distinguished look at an abnormally young age and are therefore targeting the premature aging that the FDA has linked to tanning.

6. You are a serious long-term planner, intent on committing suicide sometime after the age of 55 but via a more natural means than gun, pills or noose. Considering the social stigma now attached to smoking, tanning was your next best option.

7. You take great pleasure in lying to yourself and others by claiming that tanning provides that fabled base to keep you from burning later on in the summer, when we all know that (1) a base does not prevent burning and (2) there is an affordable and readily-available product called sunscreen that  also mitigates burning and prevents skin cancer at the same time.

See?  Plenty of good reasons to hop into a tanning booth today!