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- No one will ever care about your drinking stories as much as you.
- Drinking stories never impress the type of woman who one would want to impress.
- If you have more than three excellent drinking stories from your entire life, you are incorrect in your estimation of an excellent drinking story.
- Drinking stories must always be your own. Telling someone else’s drinking story reaches a level of separation that makes the story no longer tenable.
- Even the best drinking stories are seriously compromised if told during the daytime and/or at the workplace.
- A drinking story told by someone over the age of 30 or whose spouse is over the age of 30 is a sad, pathetic and ultimately tragic event except under the following conditions:
- The drinking story has surpassed all other drinking stories and has become the storyteller’s absolute best drinking story of all time.
- The drinking story is one that occurred before the age of 30 and is one of the storyteller’s three best drinking stories of all time.
- The storyteller is over 70. Elderly drinking stories are acceptable in any form as they are rare and oftentimes hilarious.