Data from Pew indicates that in heterosexual households where both husband and wife are working an equal number of hours, women are doing 3,5 more hours of housework per week compared to their male counterparts.
In response to these findings, David Allen of CNN recommends the Post-It Challenge, wherein you and your spouse use Post-it notes to write down everything each of you is responsible for at home.
Chores. Childcare. Pets. Maintenance and repairs. Food preparation.
Everything.
In doing so with his wife, Allen discovered that he was woefully inadequate in his share of household chores.
I think this is a ridiculous idea.
Well, I guess it’s not ridiculous if you have no fundamental understanding of how a household runs. If you somehow believe that food arrives on the table via magic, doctor’s appointments are scheduled via osmosis, children are arriving at their soccer games via teleportation, the bed is made every day by the pillow fairy, and the pets are feeding themselves, then perhaps this challenge is for you.
But seriously? Is it really so hard to take a moment and reflect on what you are doing in comparison to your spouse?
Are people so obtuse as not to see the work accomplished, the effort put forth, and the chores still undone?
Allen claims that “So much of the work of running a household goes unsaid or is intangible.”
Unsaid? Sure. Maybe your spouse is suffering in silence.
But intangible?
Give me a break. It doesn’t take much to look around and ask yourself:
Who took out the trash?
Who signs all of the permission slips?
Who sweeps this floor?
Who helps with the homework?
Who drove the kids to soccer practice?
Who made dinner?
Who put food in the refrigerator?
Who scheduled the dentist appointments?
Who ordered the dress for the recital?
Who makes sure that the garage is closed every night?
Who called the plumber?
Who called the doctor to order the kid’s prescription?
Who washed the clothing?
Who folded the clothing?
Who reminded the children to brush their damn teeth?
Who cleaned out the garage?
Who cleaned out the garage again?
Who is exchanging text messages with the teacher?
Who is making sure that the kids’ clothing still fits?
Who is ordering bathing suits in May in preparation for June?
Who is preparing the tax returns?
Who is planning the summer vacation?
Who is filling out the medical forms for summer camp?
Who makes the bed every day?
Who stores the winter coats and boots at the end of winter?
Who plans Thanksgiving?
I could go on.
Do we really need to create a Post-It Note challenge to wake people up and take a look around?
I think the imbalance between men and women in the average heterosexual household is unconscionable, but I don’t think Post-It notes are required to see and understand this imbalance.
If your wife is doing an additional three hours of chores each week compared to you, the evidence of this imbalance is all around you. It’s as clear as day if you just take a moment and look.
Last night, I told Elysha about the findings from Pew and Allen’s Post-It challenge and asked her if she thought our chore ratio was balanced.
Her first response:
“Those women don’t have a husband who gets out of bed before 5:00 every day.”
Funny, and sure, it plays a role of sorts, but when I asked her to seriously reflect on the question, she came to the same determination as me:
Our balance is usually close to even.
But over this past year, as she has been engaged in an intensive certification program that will allow her to teach English language learners, I’ve been doing more of the household chores in order to make things work.
In our household, the numbers are often even but are currently reversed, with the male counterpart doing more. Once her program ends in June, I expect our balance to return to something closer to even.
I’m sure she does, too.
But here’s the thing:
We both knew this. It wasn’t a mystery that required Post-It Notes to discern. We both know how a household is run. We know what is required to keep a home clean, stocked, and well-maintained. We know what is needed to keep the children alive, educated, happy, disciplined, and hygienically acceptable to the world. We understand what our pets require on a daily basis.
We didn’t need paper, pen, and adhesive to see this.
If your spouse is doing 3.5 hours of additional household chores than you, I think you could see this disparity pretty clearly if you just gave the issue a medium of thought. A hint of consideration. An ounce of concern.
This is not a Post-It note situation. This is an “open your eyes and recognize reality” moment.
