The family watched “Stand By Me” on Saturday night.
It’s an excellent film that I saw in the theater when it first came out, based on a Stephen King novella that I have read many times. But as Clara pointed out, it’s a movie also filled with language and slurs that only the vilest people use today.
But here is what I told Clara:
Every generation uses language that future generations consider inappropriate, hateful, and vile. If you think we have reached the pinnacle of wisdom, respect, and kindness, you are filled with ignorance and hubris.
A decade or two from now, we will look back on the language used at this moment and wonder what the hell we were thinking, just as I look back on the language I used in high school and think, “How could I have thought that was okay?”
This is why I always afford people the opportunity to evolve.
Thinking that we should all evolve our thinking and language simultaneously is not realistic nor fair.
This is not to say that I condone language that offends or demeans others, and I firmly oppose the action of people who harm others, but if I use the words “undocumented immigrant” to describe someone who came to the United States outside of the legal means, but another person uses a phrase like “illegal immigrant,” I don’t naturally assume that person is a monster.
I don’t support or approve of “illegal immigrant,” and I may attempt to educate the person if possible, but I am also affording them the opportunity to evolve because there was a time when most of us used “illegal immigrant,” thinking it was perfectly fine.
I’ve just moved beyond that language faster than others.
Also, it’s possible that “undocumented immigrant” will be considered wrongheaded and cruel in the future, too.
Again, to think we have reached the apex of respectful and appropriate communication would be stupid. We are all monsters in the eyes of future generations.
So, when someone is wrongheaded in their thinking or choice of words, I try to guide them along the continuum, as a young woman did for me a few years ago when she pointed out the problematic nature of the word “savage” — a word I had been using all the time.
Today, I avoid the word, but honestly, I also miss it.
And while it’s become popular to shift from “homeless” to “unhoused person” for many good reasons, I still use “homeless” because I was once one of those unhoused people and still prefer “homeless” to describe myself at that time in my life.
But perhaps I need to evolve, too. If you think so, afford me the opportunity to do so, especially if I’m someone you consider an ally.
If that wrongheadedness or language is causing others to suffer in meaningful ways, I will naturally stand opposed to it, but if their thoughts and opinions are foolish or misguided but their own, I am willinging to forgive them of their lack of enlightenment, just like I forgive the teenage version of myself for my lack of enlightenment and those boys in “Stand By Me” for the same.
As a friend was fond of saying:
“The truth is one. The path is many.”
Some paths are longer than others. I try to afford people the opportunity to reach the finish line in their own time whenever possible.
