I know a storyteller named Rob who frequently performs at The Moth in Boston.
He’s excellent — the kind of storyteller whose name I hope is chosen before mine.
Recency bias plays a factor in judging at The Moth (and most subjective judging situations), so your chances of winning increase significantly if you’re performing later in the show. And when two storytellers perform equally well, the storyteller who told their story second has a much greater chance of winning.
Thus, when I see Rob, I hope his name is drawn before mine.
He’s good.
He recently emailed me after telling a story in a StorySLAM that I attended but didn’t get a chance to perform. I loved his email so much I asked if I could share it, and he agreed.
It’s the perfect embodiment of someone who wants feedback and knows how to ask.
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Hi Matt-
It was great chatting with you at last week’s Story Slam in Boston. I’m sorry you didn’t get picked. I always enjoy hearing your stories, especially in person. So, I am trying to take the advice that you give out in your book, “Someday is Today,” which is to get feedback from others on your work. I am wondering if you wouldn’t mind giving me just a little tiny feedback on my story from the other night, the one about changing my daughter’s diaper in the employee break room at an arts and crafts store. I want to be respectful of your time, so I am not looking for too much – a sentence or two is just fine. If you don’t have time for that, below are some pre-made comments. Feel free to cut and paste one!
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I wasn’t paying any attention to your story.
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I think I was in the bathroom during your story.
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It was kinda meh.
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The topic of the story wasn’t very interesting.
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Change the beginning.
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Change the ending.
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Change the middle.
- Take out the following part: _________________.
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It needs more __________________.
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It needs less _________________.
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It was incredible! I wouldn’t change a thing.
- Sorry, I don’t have time to give you feedback.
Honestly, if you don’t have time to reply, no worries at all. I read the “Don’t Be An Asshole” chapter of your book. I promise, I will not be that guy. I hope you and your family are having a wonderful summer! See you at a Story Slam soon!
Rob
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Pretty great. Right?
Rob clearly spent some time crafting an email that genuinely demonstrated respect for my time.
As a result, I sent Rob a lengthy email in response. I remembered his story well — and thought it was one of the best of the night — but I also had some thoughts on how I might improve it in the future.
More importantly, I tried to give Rob advice that he could apply to future stories.
And Rob was right about my time. It’s precious. I suspect that I might value a minute more than most people. And given all the things I do, it isn’t always easy to stop my work to assist someone who isn’t a family member, friend, client, or student awaiting my feedback, but I love stories and I love storytellers and I love working with people who give at least as much as they get.
Rob did precisely that. And perhaps someday we will be friends, too.
Either way, I’ll be using Rob’s email (and probably this post) as a means of redirecting the people who often approach me for assistance and advice as if I’m the water or electric company:
Obligated to provide service to any random person at any hour of any day.
These folks almost never go to the lengths that Rob did in demonstrating their respect for my time, an acknowledgment of my limited resources, and in a spirit of collaboration and camaraderie.
But if you’re soliciting feedback from someone, this is the way to do it.
