Sometimes, data can show you how your life and the lives of most people differ in ways you did not expect.
Case in point:
A new YouGov study found:
89 percent of American adults have gone on a date at some point in their lives
62 percent have been on between 1 and 15 first dates
14 percent had been on at least 15 first dates in their life
These numbers surprised me.
First, 11 percent of Americans have never been on a date.
I’m not sure if this number includes teenagers who haven’t yet gone on a date or couples who started as friends and eventually fell in love — thus no actual first date — but I hope that most of that 11 percent have either:
- Found love absent a first date
- Still have a first date in the near future
- Feel no need for romantic love and are perfectly happy without it
While I’m sure a specific segment of Americans would like to be dating but cannot for various reasons, I hope this segment is exceedingly small. It’s sad to think of folks wanting to fall in love but unable to even take that first step.
I was also surprised that most Americans have only been on 1-15 first dates.
That number seems low.
Perhaps this number includes people who found the love of their life early on (thus cutting off the need for additional first dates), but in the age of dating apps, I thought people would be going on more first dates.
The barrier to finding a first date seems exceedingly low today:
Swipe in agreement and bingo. You have a first date.
I guess not.
I wasn’t dating during the age of online dating or dating apps, nor was Elysha, but I still managed to go on more than 15 first dates in my life, and Elysha believes her number is likely over 15, too. But in my day, first dates meant approaching someone – a colleague, classmate, friend, and many times, a stranger — and asking them out. Rather than a simple swipe, dating required face-to-face interaction, the courage to ask the person on a date, and the risk of real-time rejection.
For some of my younger friends, just reading that sentence would cause them anxiety.
Yet Elysha and I seem to be in the minority when it comes to the number of first dates we’ve been on, even though we were dating in barbaric, technology-free times. I suspect many of my friends growing up have first date numbers exceeding 15, too.
Yet, we would apparently be in the minority.
I don’t get it.
Also some disturbing news:
Among people not in a relationship, 69 percent said they rarely or never date.
More than 40 percent of respondents are not going on dates but would like to.
An enormous number of Americans want to be dating more, yet seemingly cannot.
I’m not sure why. When supply and demand are both high, transactions should be plentiful, yet in the case of dating, it would seem that a large percentage of Americans are walking right past one another, seeking love but failing to connect despite the ways in which technology has lowered the barriers to entry.
What is happening?
I’d like to know.
My first date with Elysha began with a hike up Mount Carmel (also known as Sleeping Giant) in Hamden, Connecticut. We hiked up the mountain as friends, but on the way down, Elysha took my hand, thus signaling that this was more than just a hike between two longtime friends.
It was one of the most exciting moments of my life.
This was followed by a long conversation on an uncomfortable futon in my apartment, a Simpsons episode, and pizza.
The last and best first date of my life.
I told a story about it at The Moth years ago, and my friend, Kaia, animated it for our company.
