When determining the best strategy in a competition of any kind — sport, game, business, or a simple verbal argument — it’s often best to ask:
What strategy would my opponent be rooting against?
What would my opponent least want me to do?
Then do that.
I developed this strategy when debating in college and still use it today.
All the time.
This is why the best response to a passive-aggressive person is to be aggressive and direct. Passive-aggressive people avoid this approach because they don’t like it. It makes them uncomfortable, which is why it’s ideal for you.
If you become known to them as aggressive and direct, passive-aggressive people will often avoid you entirely.
Two people in my life are avoiding me for this very reason, and I couldn’t be more pleased.
Along similar lines:
The best response to someone yelling at you is to respond calmly, slowly, and softly. Doing so clearly illustrates that the person yelling sounds out of control and ridiculous.
Stupid, even.
Best of all, it makes them feel foolish, which drastically hinders their ability to argue effectively.
The best response to someone calling you an unkind name is to thank them for their feedback and even agree with them. Their goal is to injure you with words, damage your psyche, and cause you emotional pain. By agreeing with their insult — sincerely and wholeheartedly — you steal their power and leave them defenseless.
I teach my students to use this strategy, and it works beautifully.
Unfortunately, they frequently use it on me as well, which is both validating and annoying.
The best response to someone repeating the same thing over and over to you is to point out their use of repetition and ask them if they’re okay. The point of repetition is to drive their point home and perhaps drown you out. Instead of responding similarly, don’t argue their point at all.
Instead, point out the oddity of their repetition and ask if they need help.
They want you to draw your sword so they can beat down upon it.
Instead, offer concern and a Band-Aid.
So…
When confronted by an opponent, ask yourself what they hope to achieve and offer them the opposite.
What are they rooting against?
What would they least want you to do?
Then do all those things.
Every time.
