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I’m done with beautiful packaging.

Last week, I listened to a podcast host talk about Lord Jones:

“The world’s finest CBD products. You’ll get to see their products and their beautiful packaging…”

Beautiful packaging?

I hear people speak about Apple’s packaging the same lofty way, as if the 22 seconds that I spend opening my new iPhone will somehow enhance the next 88,300,800 seconds (the average life of an iPhone) that I will spend using the product.

Some people really believe it will. One prominent design blog claimed that “Apple is an acknowledged master at creating an iconic sensory experience that communicates its brand without any words or even a logo.”

Iconic sensory experience?

Sex is an iconic sensory experience. A white box is a white box.

So please, stop with the packaging. Stop with the upscale rustic bags and hand-spun twine and golden-hinged boxes. Stop with the mason jars and silk ribbons and Amazonian teak. And please especially stop with the environmentally unfriendly, cost prohibitive packaging.

I don’t want to pay more for my widget because it was wrapped in organic seaweed.

In fact, I want the opposite. I want cheap, biodegradable packaging. I want actively biodegrading packaging. I want my packaging to fall apart in my hands. I want an old paper bag that once held a ham and cheese sandwich and some Oreos but now contains my new kitchen thermometer.

If your packaging is part of your sales pitch, your product sucks or you suck. Or maybe you both suck.

Sell me the thing. Not the thing containing the thing.

We need a little less preciousness in this world. Less pretension. Less gravitas. Stop gilding the lily and just give me the damn lily. Consumers want more confidence in the products being sold and less emphasis on the finery surrounding them.

Also, for the record, this packaging doesn’t look very special to me.