Carl Linnaeus is rolling over in his grave
Have you ever noticed the Petco sign? Note the tag line beneath the store name. Supplies (dot) Fish & Grooming. How did the geniuses who designed this sign rationalize this…
I love this quote
“I’m proud of you, Mom. You’re like Christopher Columbus. You discovered something millions of people knew about before you.” –Lisa Simpson
No neck
As some of you may know, I am universally acknowledged as having no neck. My head literally sits atop my shoulders. While it hasn't bothered me very much, my friend…
A 17 to 10 ratio
If you haven’t ever read haiku, other than in an elementary classroom where the emphasis tends to be on the faulty 5-7-5 syllabic construction, allow me to recommend a deep…
In need of a vigilante
In CHICKEN SHACK, the book I am on the verge of finishing at any second, my protagonist, Wyatt Salem, is a bit of a vigilante, enacting revenge on members of…
Better in my belly than on television
There are two kinds of people in the world: People who watch the Food Network and me. At least that’s what it seems like sometimes. Why do I constantly find…
Walking display racks
I’ve been thinking a lot about jewelry as of late. Here’s my line of thinking: Jewelry serves three possible purposes: 1. It enhances the appearance of the person wearing the…
Not guilty
When I was 19 years old, I was arrested and tried for a crime that I did not commit. While managing a McDonald’s restaurant in Bourne, Massachusetts, a deposit that…
The key to understanding the opposite sex
Years ago, I read the book MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS. Thinking that I would despise the book, I read it as a farce, hoping to hate…
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