I don’t wear ties.
Unless they are specifically required to attend an event or accommodate a loved one’s request—which hasn’t happened in more than a decade—the necktie is not for me.
It’s not that I find them terribly uncomfortable or unwieldy.
They are just so stupid.
I see nothing attractive or even sensible about tying a length of silk or polyester around your neck and allowing one end to dangle down to your belly button.
It’s a stupid bit of perceived ornamentation that is utterly ridiculous.
The necktie’s origins can be traced back to the 17th century in France, where the cravat, a decorative neckcloth, was adopted after being worn by Croatian mercenaries during the Thirty Years’ War. These mercenaries wore small, knotted cloths around their necks as part of their uniforms, which caught the eye of the French, and soon, they became all the rage in France. The French named this style “cravate” — a word that translates to “Croat” in French, paying homage to the Croatian mercenaries.
So we have Croatian mercenaries and the French to blame for this bit of stupidity.
Except that the cravats actually served a purpose for the mercenaries. These neckerchiefs, tied around the neck, absorbed sweat, offered protection from sword glints, and allowed soldiers to easily distinguish their ranks and status.
The French just thought they looked cute.
Neckties are also responsible for more deaths per year than sharks, which shouldn’t be surprising. A necktie can function just as effectively as a noose, given its ability to tighten around the wearer’s neck to the point of constriction, so if you get one stuck in any machinery, you’re in a lot of trouble.
Worse than all of this, at least for me, is what neckties represent:
Conformity, subservience, and blind adherence to needless, elitist, foolish cultural norms.
If you want to wear a necktie because you like wearing a necktie, go right ahead. You should absolutely wear what you want within reason. I think dangling a silken bit of cloth to your waistline looks stupid, but who cares what I think? I’ve also made it a policy to never speak about physical appearance, so fear not. You’ll never hear me criticize your necktie, even if you’ve chosen one that expresses support for the New York Jets or Boston Red Sox.
It will be hard for me not to say something, but I promise I won’t.
In 2015, the New York City Commission on Human Rights announced new guidelines for the municipal human rights law that expressly prohibited “enforcing dress codes, uniforms, and grooming standards that impose different requirements based on sex or gender.”
Huzzah.
Similar laws have been passed throughout the country. As a result, in many places, employers cannot require men to wear ties unless they also require women to wear ties or ask that heels be worn unless both sexes are required to wear them.
And though this applies only to “official” dress codes, the trickle-down effect was inevitable:
Neckties have begun to die a slow death.
While they are still widely worn today, sales have been cut by more than 65% since 1995, and fewer and fewer people are wearing them or are required to wear them in professional settings.
Huzzah again.
I suspect there will always be necktie enthusiasts in the world, and though I will never understand them, they have every right to decorate their neck with a floral noose. And I suspect it will be long before neckties are not required in court, military functions, Congress, and other professional settings.
But for many people, neckties are rapidly becoming a thing of the past.
The relic of the Thirty Years War and some French exuberance has persisted for more than three centuries, but perhaps in another century or two, this bit of nonsense will be no more.
It is for me.
