My daughter celebrated her fifteenth birthday yesterday – January 25.
Happy birthday, Clara.
When she turned two years old, I posted a list of lessons learned from two years of parenting.
I updated that list when she turned five. Then again, when she turned ten.
Five years after that, I update it again.
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1. The parent who assumes the tougher position regarding expectations and discipline is almost always correct.
2. Writing to or about your child often (even daily) helps you better appreciate the moments with your little one and prevents you from wondering how and why time flies by so quickly because it doesn’t and won’t unless you allow it to.
3. Training your child to fall asleep on their own and sleep through the night takes about four weeks if done with tenacity, an iron will, and absolute adherence to the advice of experts. Of course, there are exceptions to this, but they are few and far between. Parents must also possess the grudging acceptance that thunderstorms, nightmares, and illness will upset the apple cart from time to time.
4. You cannot take too many photographs of your children.
5. Failure to follow through with warnings and consequences even once is the death knell of effective parenting. Everything begins with you sticking to your word every time. Nothing is more important when it comes to discipline.
6. Libraries are the greatest child-friendly, zero-cost entertainment options on the planet.
7. Almost all of your child’s annoying behaviors have a short shelf life. They will invariably be replaced by a different annoying behavior, but don’t become consumed with the idea that any one behavior will last forever.
8. Reading to your child every night is one of the best things you can do. Failure to do so is inexcusable.
9. Car seats suck. They may be the worst part of parenting.
10. Parents who are blessed with children who eat almost anything and claim that they are responsible for this behavior should be immediately ostracized by friends and family. Possibly forever.
11. Babysitters who care for your children and keep your home clean should be treasured like gold.
12. It’s important to remember that there was a time in human history – not that long ago – when foods like bananas, avocados, and even fish were unavailable to vast areas of the world on a daily basis, yet children still grew up healthy and strong. Variety is lovely but not as important as we sometimes think. Don’t sweat it.
13. Pick up your children as often as possible, particularly when they become too heavy to do so comfortably. The day will come when you can no longer pick them up, and you will regret all the times they asked, and you said no.
14. Battles over a child’s choice of clothing are some of the dumbest. As long as your child is adhering to basic codes of decency and cleanliness, stay out of the wardrobe wars.
15. Changing a diaper is not a big deal and is never worthy of whines or complaints.
16. Experienced parents always know which toys and television shows are best. Ask them.
17. If your child refuses to wear a hat, coat, or gloves, allow them to experience the cold. Natural consequences often teach the most valuable lessons.
18. Unsolicited advice from experienced parents should always be received with appreciation. It should not be viewed as a criticism or indictment of your parenting skills and can be easily ignored if need be.
19. Consignment shops are some of the best places to find children’s clothing and toys unless you are a pretentious snob.
20. Most unhappy parents possessed unrealistic or misguided expectations about parenthood before their child was ever born.
21. Don’t become emotionally involved in your child’s poor behavior. They own their choices. Establish expectations, deliver consequences, and offer guidance and love. That is all. You rarely have anything to do with a temper tantrum or your child’s bad decision.
22. Parents seeking the most fashionable or trendy stroller, diaper bag, and similar accoutrement are often saddled with the least practical option.
23. Little boys and little girls are entirely different animals. They have almost nothing in common, and it is a miracle that they might one day marry each other.
24. Telling parents that your parenting experience has been relatively easy and especially joyous will usually annoy them. Possibly make them want to kill you. It’s often better to keep your happiness to yourself.
25. An unfortunate majority of parents in the world are not happy unless they have attempted to demoralize you with their assurances that parenting will not be easy. Ignore these doomsayers and naysayers at all costs.
26. Experienced parents who are positive, optimistic, and encouraging to the parents of newborns are difficult to come by and should be treasured when found. Positivity is a rare and precious commodity in the parenting world. Hold onto it with all of your might.
27. The ratio of happy times to difficult times in the first two years of your child’s life is about a billion to one. Many parents have a tragic tendency to forget the billion and accentuate the one.
28. It’s okay if your child doesn’t have the latest bit of technology that all of their friends have if you deem it unsafe, counter-productive, or harmful to your child in any way. Your child will easily overcome not being the coolest kid in school. It will be far more challenging to overcome technology addiction, a loss of attention span, educational backsliding, an earlier-than-appropriate introduction to adult content, and the like.
29. Choosing your child’s friends is a fool’s errand and a surefire way to create unnecessary space between you and your child.
30. A parent’s job is to help a child find their passions. It is not their job to force a passion on a child or insist that they convert their recreational approach to something as something far more professional.
31. Establishing positive, supportive lines of communication with teachers and school administrators will pay enormous dividends in the future.
32. Eat dinner – screen-free – as a family as often as possible. “No television and no phones at the dinner table” is an easy and highly beneficial rule for every family. You’re crazy not to establish it in your home.
33. The more positive adult role models you can involve in your child’s life, the better.
34. Allow your child to try as many new things as their heart desires and your wallet allows, understanding that they will discard many of these newfound interests based on their own annoying, inexplicable, seemingly illogical preferences. Allow them to experience as much of life as possible.
35. Say “I love you” to your child ten kabillion times per year. Hug them relentlessly and kiss them wherever possible.
36. Remind your child constantly, relentlessly, and unendingly that no matter what they might be experiencing in the world, they will always be safe, accepted, loved, and cherished when they arrive home.
