PERSONAL FITNESS
1. Don’t die.
So alive.
2. Lose 20 pounds.
I remain one pound down in 2022.
3. Do at least 100 push-ups, 100 sit-ups, and 3 one-minute planks for five days a week.
I resumed sit-ups, push-ups, and planks last week. After a nearly five month hiatus, it wasn’t easy.
I also had a push up contest with my students last week. We did 30 before my competitor and I called a truce.
She’s a swimmer, so she’s sneaky strong. We have a rematch set for the end of April, so now I have a goal.
4. Cycle for at least 5 days every week.
I rode the bike on 29 of 31 days in March.
5. Establish my golfing handicap, then lower that handicap by at least 2.
Handicap established. After playing 81 holes of golf in Bermuda, my handicap is a whopping 35.4.
Too cold to play in Connecticut in March.
WRITING CAREER
6. Complete my seventh novel.
“Someday is Today” is complete. It hits bookstores on June 7.
I’ve submitted my golf memoir to my agent for consideration.
I’ve begun the process of getting my first middle grade novel into shape for publication while tinkering with my next adult novel.
Between the middle grade novel and the new adult novel, one should be completed, I hope.
7. Prepare “Storyworthy 2” or update “Storyworthy” or both for potential sale.
Done! And great news! “Storyworthy 2,” now titled “You Are Storyworthy” is a go. My editor and agent will hammer out the details, but my editor loves the idea and has agreed to publish.
We’ll also do a re-release of “Storyworthy” with lots of new content in 2023 or 2024 depending on publishing scheduled.
8. Write/complete at least three new picture books, including one with a female, non-white protagonist, and one protagonist who is not neurotypical.
I continue work on a new picture book entitled “Hug a Fish.” I’m creating the actual book alongside my students, who are also creating their own.
I’m also working on a partially written manuscript from 2021 entitled “Who Put the Baby in a Tree?”
9. Complete a memoir.
I have two memoirs in progress:
One about the two year period when I was arrested, jailed, and tried for a crime I did not commit, which also led to homelessness then a pantry off a kitchen that I shared with a goat. I was also the victim of a horrific robbery at that time that left me with a lifetime of PTSD amongst other awfulness.
Also participation in an underground arm wrestling and gambling ring.
The second is about the two year period in which a lowly band of anonymous cowards attempted to destroy my teaching career.
I think I’ve decided to focus on this one. Writing it will also help inform the musical that my writing partner and I are working on.
I wrote another 15,000 words in March. Solid progress.
10. Write a new screenplay.
No progress.
11. Write a solo show.
No progress.
12. Write a musical.
Outline (written on the way home from a Moth StorySLAM) received from my writing partner, Kaia. We are involved in another project at the moment, so we have to hold off for a bit.
13. Submit at least five Op-Ed pieces to The New York Times for consideration.
One essay submitted and rejected in March.
Two so far in 2022.
14. Write at least four letters to my father.
No progress.
15. Write 100 letters in 2022.
A total of 19 letters written in March, including letters of recommendation, letters to students, a letter thanking my doctor, a letter to my former boss at McDonald’s, a letter to the Superintendent who terminated a teacher for reading “I Need a New Butt!” and more.
A total of 20 letters written in 2020 so far.
16. Convert 365 Days of Elysha into a book.
I’ve passed this project onto my production manager, but she’s busy with other things at the moment.
17. Read at least 12 books.
I finished “Liar’s Poker” by Michael Lewis and “Matrix” by Lauren Groff in March.
My list of completed books now includes:
“The Passion Economy”
“Empire of Pain”
“The Anthropocene Reviewed”
“Liar’s Poker”
“Matrix”
18. Write to at least six authors about a book that I especially like.
No progress.
STORYTELLING/SPEAKING CAREER
19. Complete the recordings for my new business for at least two target consumers.
Recording for the first set of target consumers (corporate folk) is done. I may need to record a video or two as the modules are assembled, to fill in some gaps, but two days and 20 hours spent in a recording studio have paid off well. My production manager is now editing them all.
Once we launch, I will begin recording videos for our next target customer.
I’m also purchasing a whisper room, which is a pre-fab recording studio for the basement. This will eliminate my struggles with the noise and interruptions of children, the wind, the neighbor’s dog, our cats, and doorbells.
20. Engage with LinkedIn at least once per week.
Success, though still fairly easy. I received more than a dozen direct messages in March and responded to each of them.
21. Produce a total of 6 Speak Up storytelling events.
We produced a virtual show in March in collaboration with my school on March 19. This was our first of the year.
We have a live, outdoor show scheduled on July 13 in partnership with the Hill-stead Museum.
We’ll be scheduling additional shows soon. Venues are ready and willing for us to return.
22. Pitch myself to at least 3 upcoming TEDx events with the hopes of being accepted by one.
No progress.
I am speaking at TEDxCornell in April.
23. Attend at least 6 Moth events with the intention of telling a story.
I attended one Moth StorySLAM in March, at Arts at the Armory in Somerville, MA. My name did not get chosen from the hat.
Two Moth events so far in 2022.
24. Win at least one Moth StorySLAM.
DONE! I won the February StorySLAM in New York. I’m on a roll. Four StorySLAM victories in a row!
25. Win a Moth GrandSLAM.
I’ll be competing in a Moth GrandSLAM at The Wilbur in Boston at the end of April.
26. Produce at least 12 episodes of our podcast Speak Up Storytelling.
Recording was going to commence in February and March. The recording of the audiobook of SOMEDAY IS TODAY replaced our podcasting time for a while. I hope to finish that narration job this weekend.
27. Convert my YouTube channel into an actual channel.
Progress! My production manager has begun to structure and re-design the channel, and I’ve been accumulating content for release. I’m also been curating the content, removing material that is no longer relevant.
28. Perform stand-up at least 3 times in 2022.
I have a list of open mics that are currently running in Connecticut. More than enough to resume. This will likely be a summer goal.
29. Pitch a story to This American Life.
No progress.
30. Pitch myself to Marc Maron’s WTF podcast at least three times.
No progress.
31. Send a newsletter to readers at least 25 times (every other week).
Five newsletters sent in March, primarily because of the pre-launch of SOMEDAY IS TODAY and our March show.
A total of 7 sent so far in 2022.
HOME
32. Clear the basement.
The job is about 80% complete. Huge progress. The basement is officially organized. I need to eliminate many, many things from the basement now, which may require a dumpster.
I also cleaned the garage in March. Another huge job now complete.
33. Organize the children’s books.
Books have been removed from the kids’ bedrooms and remain divided into three bins:
- Keep in rotation for kids/students
- Store for future grandchildren
- Give away to those in need
I’ve been slowly emptying the giveaway bin.
FAMILY/FRIENDS
34. Text or call brother or sister once per month.
Done.
35. Take at least one photo of my children every day.
Done.
36. Take at least one photo with Elysha and myself each week.
No photos taken of just Elysha and me in January, February, or March.
I’m still a giant failure, particularly given that Elysha is so damn pretty.
A friend gave me a solution to this problem which is excellent. I have yet to actually do it.
37. Plan a reunion of the Heavy Metal Playhouse.
No progress.
38. I will not comment, positively or negatively, about physical appearance of any person save my wife and children, in 2022 in an effort to reduce the focus on physical appearance in our culture overall.
Done. I learned that two of my students have now adopted this policy.
39. Compliment one person every day on a topic unrelated to physical appearance.
This turns out to be easier than I thought, at least as long as I’m teaching. I constantly give my students positive feedback, and I compliment my own children and Elysha quite a bit.
In addition to these compliments, I also complimented a neighbor, several colleagues, two servers, and three storytellers at a Moth StorySLAM.
40. Surprise Elysha at least six times in 2022.
No surprised in March.
Surprises in 2020 include:
- A well timed Starbucks caramel macchiato
- The latest Pusheen Club box, filled with an assortment of movie-themed Pusheen gifts.
- A complete set of Smith College china
That’s three surprises so far in 2022.
41. Play poker at least six times in 2022.
Our March game was cancelled due to a lack of players.
Two in total in 2022.
42. Spend at least six days with my best friend of more than 30 years.
No progress. We have spoken and texted but not yet gotten together.
NEW PROJECTS
43. Create an emergency preparedness kit for each car.
No progress.
44. Memorize the lyrics to at least 5 favorite songs.
I’m still working on “Come on Eileen” by Dexy’s Midnight Runners and Queen’s “Fat Bottomed Girls.”
45. Learn to play the piano by practicing at least three times a week.
Done.
46. Convert our wedding video to a transferable format.
Another task passed off to my production manager, who has been working on it.
47. Memorize 5 new poems.
I considered memorizing “Casey at the Bat” or “The Charge of the Light Brigade,” and I may still try one or both, but they are long, and I wanted one a little shorter to start, so I’m still working on “I’m Nobody! Who Are You?” by Emily Dickinson.
I also made a list of poems that I’ve committed to memory, to ensure they remain committed to memory through occasional practice.
48. Write to at least 3 colleges about why they should hire me.
No progress.
49. Understand Instagram better.
Progress! My intern and I has a conversation, where she taught me about Instagram Stories and Reels. Huzzah!
I suspect that there is more to know, but who better to teach me than a high school senior?
50. Complete my Eagle Scout project.
I started plotting the completion of this task in February.
Last month I complained that it brought back feelings of disappointment and regret that annoyed the hell out of me. I missed out on becoming an Eagle Scout – a childhood dream – because of a near-fatal car accident and the Boy Scouts of America’s unwillingness to grant me an extension, but someone pointed out to me that perhaps my parents didn’t play the role needed at the time to be awarded that extension.
Entirely possible. When you never mention the word “college” to a child even once in his entire life, perhaps Eagle Scout extensions aren’t a priority, either.
I’ve wondered: Did they even put forth my request?
Less than five months after that desired extension, I was kicked out of my home forever. Maybe that request was never made.
This may not be the fault of the Boy Scouts after all, which makes me even sadder.
51. Post my progress in terms of these resolutions on this blog and social media on the first day of every month.
Done.
