On this week’s This American Life, philosopher and author Alain de Botton describes marriage this way:
“Be incredibly forgiving for the weird behavior that’s going to start coming out. You will be very unhappy in lots of ways. Your partner will fail to understand you.
If you’re understood in maybe, I don’t know, 60% of your soul by your partner, that’s fantastic. Don’t expect that it’s going to be 100%. Of course you will be lonely.
You will often be in despair. You will sometimes think it’s the worst decision in your life. That’s fine. That’s not a sign your marriage has gone wrong.
It’s a sign that it’s normal, it’s on track. And many of the hopes that took you into the marriage will have to die in order for the marriage to continue. Some of the headiness and expectations will have to die.”
Host Ira Glass says this “one of the most accurate description of marriage” he’s ever heard.
This is nonsense. Complete nonsense. It need not to be this way.
Elysha and I will be celebrating ten years of marriage next month.
There has been no despair.
No unhappiness.
No doubt.
None of our hopes and dreams and expectations have died.
We have only added new hopes and dreams to our list.
Marry the best person you know. Do things together. Find new things to do together. Be honest. Don’t ever be selfish.
Ignore the words of Alain de Botton.
